What’s Really Going on with the 405 Closure?

countdown to closure
Taking down a bridge... yeah, sure.

So the impending “Carmaggedon” is quite the buzz topic these days, with a 53-hour road closure basically threatening our very way of life here in LA. Haha just kidding—we’ll still be able to drive around aimlessly in other parts of the city, we’ll just have to avoid that ten-mile stretch of the 405 for a couple days.

One of the bigger headache will be for those out-of-towners who don’t know to avoid the 405 if they’re arriving at LAX that weekend. Or for people trying to have a wedding that weekend.

Wait a minute, though. Ten miles of freeway? For a bridge demolition? Seems like a bit much to me. Why can’t they let us get any closer than that? Does this seem a little hokey to anyone else?

Knowing there are plenty of people out there who are determined to find out the truth behind the lies we’re told, I went to my trusty old series of tubes to get some answers.

But alas—there were no deeper answers to be found! Can it be that no one has any insights as to what they might really be doing on the 405 over the weekend of the 16-17 July? Constructing new underground viaducts for the lizard people? Israeli scientists doing killer shark exercise at the Skirball? A perfect setup for some Thomas Crown shit at the Getty?

Since the usual truth-seekers haven’t offered any ideas about what’s going on with the Sepulveda Pass, I ask you, dear readers: What do you suppose might actually be important enough (bridge demolition? ha!) to divert traffic for two days?

13 thoughts on “What’s Really Going on with the 405 Closure?”

  1. I hope they set up a live cam. I overheard the overall process for the weekend and it seems very intriguing. Well…if you are into demolition…

    1. Yes! I was totally hoping for livestreaming of the demolition!

      And if they aren’t livestreaming it… it’s obviously because they have something to hide…

  2. I’m sure there’s a conspiracy involved somehow/some where but it’s probably well-run so we don’t know anything about it.
    When I first moved to LA (1984) knowing nothing of the commercial culture of the area, I thought those TM bumperstickers on cars were advertising some cult, and since I hadn’t been to a Smart & Final store, and saw one when it was closed (you know, the pulldown serious protection door) and only read the name I wondered it if was a) a cremation service b) a business that did what mob hitmen used to do.

    Maybe they’re removing the bridge because they know there’s going to be a big earthquake and if it’s gone, it won’t damage freeway by collapsing on it and making that much more debris to be removed.
    Or maybe UCLA* has created a new strain of chickens who do have intelligence and they want to keep them from crossing the road. ANYTHING is possible, but as to probable—can’t help there.

    [*actually work was done at UC Davis but the chickens were sent south to UCLA {no explanation provided for the move–secret budget, too} where they enjoy harrassing teachers, picketing omlet shops and punching out anyone who says, ‘hey chick!’).

    1. I vote movie shoot. That’s what I’ve thought all along. A whole weekend…seems like you could demolish and build a bridge in that period of time, if there weren’t any cars on the road.

  3. originally it was going to be closed from the 101 to Skirball then the police got involved. now the closure goes all the way to the federal building. it’s all a FBI conspiracy.

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