Something you should know about me: I am not cool. Really. And I say that with no pretense or obfuscatorily self-aggrandizing goal whatsoever; I’m not doing that thing where I claim not to be cool, but then reveal some morsel of personal datum that indicates that I am, in reality, extremely cool, and am only claiming to be uncool so I can deftly undermine any belief you, oh reader, have in your own coolness. I’m not going to say something like, “Oh, I’m so uncool! When I was calling Lady Gaga’s personal footwear designer from the green room of The Knitting Factory the other day, I realized I haven’t bought a new iPhone skin in almost a month!” See, I’m so uncool that I think that particular quote is an example of cutting-edge cool.
Seriously, you guys, I own Sliders on DVD. I order off the dollar menu at Wendy’s. The classiest socks I own are from Target. And most of the business cards that have been presented to me have, at some point, been used as vessels for carrying toenail clippings from the living room floor to the trash.
But I am from Philadelphia, which is one of those sneaky-cool cities that nobody really thinks about as a cool place because their coolness detectors are too distracted by obviously cool cities like New York and Vancouver. There are a few cities like this. Philly is a big one. I’m pretty sure St. Louis is one too. Also maybe Halifax.
Here’s how I know Philly is cool: It’s the current chosen home of RJD2, one of the world’s most awesome DJs. You may know RJ from the various commercials, TV shows and movies his music has appeared in; he’s one of the premier “oh, hey, this is that song in that one commercial!” musicians working today. But don’t pigeonhole him; RJD2 is also one of the most innovative and creative DJs in the country.
And, oh yeah, we’ve got a pair of tickets to go see him at the El Rey next week — Tuesday, April 6, to be exact.
How can you win these tickets? Simple: Just give me an example of how uncool you are. And I don’t mean ironic-hipster-uncool stuff, like drinking cheap shitty beer or liking obscure Russian literature. I’m talking Chef Boy-Ar-Dee straight out of the can. I’m talking collections of stuffed animals. I’m talking retainers.
So. Wow me, nerds. The most uncool commenter will win tickets to RJD2 (I’ll choose a winner by next Monday evening). And maybe some of his coolness will rub off on you.