Win Tickets to RJD2 Next Week!

Something you should know about me: I am not cool. Really. And I say that with no pretense or obfuscatorily self-aggrandizing goal whatsoever; I’m not doing that thing where I claim not to be cool, but then reveal some morsel of personal datum that indicates that I am, in reality, extremely cool, and am only claiming to be uncool so I can deftly undermine any belief you, oh reader, have in your own coolness. I’m not going to say something like, “Oh, I’m so uncool! When I was calling Lady Gaga’s personal footwear designer from the green room of The Knitting Factory the other day, I realized I haven’t bought a new iPhone skin in almost a month!” See, I’m so uncool that I think that particular quote is an example of cutting-edge cool.

Seriously, you guys, I own Sliders on DVD. I order off the dollar menu at Wendy’s. The classiest socks I own are from Target. And most of the business cards that have been presented to me have, at some point, been used as vessels for carrying toenail clippings from the living room floor to the trash.

But I am from Philadelphia, which is one of those sneaky-cool cities that nobody really thinks about as a cool place because their coolness detectors are too distracted by obviously cool cities like New York and Vancouver. There are a few cities like this. Philly is a big one. I’m pretty sure St. Louis is one too. Also maybe Halifax.

Here’s how I know Philly is cool: It’s the current chosen home of RJD2, one of the world’s most awesome DJs. You may know RJ from the various commercials, TV shows and movies his music has appeared in; he’s one of the premier “oh, hey, this is that song in that one commercial!” musicians working today. But don’t pigeonhole him; RJD2 is also one of the most innovative and creative DJs in the country.

And, oh yeah, we’ve got a pair of tickets to go see him at the El Rey next week — Tuesday, April 6, to be exact.

How can you win these tickets? Simple: Just give me an example of how uncool you are. And I don’t mean ironic-hipster-uncool stuff, like drinking cheap shitty beer or liking obscure Russian literature. I’m talking Chef Boy-Ar-Dee straight out of the can. I’m talking collections of stuffed animals. I’m talking retainers.

So. Wow me, nerds. The most uncool commenter will win tickets to RJD2 (I’ll choose a winner by next Monday evening). And maybe some of his coolness will rub off on you.

5 Replies to “Win Tickets to RJD2 Next Week!”

  1. I will put a cake or pie in the fridge. With a fork stuck in it. When I open the fridge door, I’ll huddle in front of it and eat straight from there.

    I own several manga (japanese comics) in different languages. No, I don’t speak or understand any of these languages. I pick some up as souvenirs when traveling, just because I see them around and I want to put more in my collection. The ones in Japanese, since I’ve never been to Japan, are because they aren’t translated into english yet. So I’ll get fan translations online and read along with the pictures. I’ll note that these aren’t in the category of great literature or collectors items in the least. I usually do not show my collection to people.

    For me, wine is the opposite of a classy affair. When I drink red wine my lips, teeth, and tongue turn deep purple. Very easily, within half a glass. And red wine is one of the few alcohols I like, so I have it in public plenty.

    And lastly, I would dance in a very uncool manner for this occasion. But I will dance. A little shimmy-riding-the-railroad move. My go-to.

  2. I can’t actually enter, but I always enjoy these “how lame are you?” competitions. How about…

    On weeknights I try to always get home to watch King Of the Hill on the cartoon network.
    I accidentally threw away my expensive orthopedic insoles when I trashed my tennis shoes that I went hiking in & got mud all over them when I stepped right into a boggy area.
    I tried tooth-whitening strips but they irritated my sensitive oral skin.
    I’ve been made fun of on dancefloors because of my goth-dancing moves.

    I TOTALLY WIN

  3. I just spent several months re-reading eleven 700 page fantasy novels, so I could have all the characters and plots fresh for the final three books in the series.

    I didn’t start playing dungeons and dragons until adulthood, and I need to find a figurine to represent my character on our physical game board.

  4. I have a tendency to stumble down/up (yes up) flights of stairs, especially in the presence of attractive members of the opposite sex. Sadly, it has happened on multiple occasions. The majority of the incidents come from texting while walking.. it’s actually very dangerous!

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