An appeal to @wileecoyote from @jessicasimpson

Actual flyer. Please print, copy, and post wherever coyotes may see it!
Actual flyer. Please print, copy, and post wherever coyotes may see it!

A coyote snatched Jessica Simpson’s dog before her very eyes, per a tweet she sent Monday evening.

@jessicasimpson: – My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!

Clearly, this is incredibly urgent. Coyotes aren’t known to keep malti-poos as pets for very long, and according to urban legend, will often sell these dogs to NFL players to be used as “playthings” for their rottweillers and pitbulls.

“Mommy” Jessica Simpson is offering a reward for Daisy’s safe return, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

In case this turns out badly, I’m asking all Metblog readers to chip in with me for a gift that will help protect any of Jessica’s future canine pals: a leash.

7 thoughts on “An appeal to @wileecoyote from @jessicasimpson”

  1. Coyote? How do we know she’s not talking about a person who works transporting people (dogs?) across the border?
    Maybe the dog has had it with Jessica and made arrangements to be liberated.
    On a serious note, I’m sorry she’s lost her dog but coyotes live all around Southern California, even in the better neighborhoods. Don’t blame the coyote, blame the person who didn’t protect the dog from known predators.

  2. I don’t know if it’s satisfying or dismaying when people prove themselves as stupid as you suspected they were. She’s searching for her dog after witnessing a coyote carry it off???!! Does she think he might swallow it whole and poop it out intact? The mind boggles.

  3. I’m not a fan, but ease up on her. That’s a tough break and she’s clearly still in the first stage of grief.

  4. Because coyotes can read, right? So they’re going to see this sign and think, “Oh, was this dog yours? Sorry about that.”

  5. At least the dingo didn’t eat her baby. Seriously, I’m sad to hear about this, but I agree that finding her dog alive and in one piece is probably as likely as finding chicken in a can of Chicken of the Sea tuna.

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