Your Disapproval Has Been Noted

how-about-a-nice-cup-of-shut-the-fuck-upSo I was having a conversation with an LA-hater the other day, and I found myself getting sick of defending my city.

I hear the same complaints over and over. For decades. Aren’t people TIRED of bitching about the same stuff already?

Shouldn’t it just be UNDERSTOOD that living in LA involves traffic? Involves flaky Industry types bragging over nonfat lattes? Involves no distinctly perceptible seasons? Is this stuff seriously NEWS to you?! If you people are still complaining about this shit like it’s some big SURPRISE to you, well, maybe you should get out more often.

So, I thought I’d make a List Of Things Not To Complain About Ever Again. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

  1. Smog
  2. That asshole who cut you off
  3. Construction on the 405 that never, ever ends
  4. Women with fish lips
  5. Poorly marked freeway interchanges
  6. Everyone always gets so fucking dressed up just to go to the market
  7. LA has no seasons
  8. I meet people at parties and they promise we’ll hang out sometime but they never return my calls / Angelenos are so flaky
  9. It’s so hard to get anyone to look at my screenplay
  10. You people don’t know how to drive in the rain

Ok, ready? Go for it! Add your own complaints you’re fucking sick of hearing!

34 Replies to “Your Disapproval Has Been Noted”

  1. Quick thoughts:
    – No place place
    – Cities gone wrong
    – No culture
    – Tacky bling
    – Ugly
    – Flaky
    – LA = Hollywood
    – LA = bimboland
    – Nobody walks in LA

  2. Sadly, half of these problems are reinforced by the people people that move here and perpetuate them.

  3. I reserve the right to keep cutting on the fish-lipped women.

    That said, my pet peeve is the “It’s all just a bunch of suburbs strung together. There is no city” line.

  4. I’d say “Lack of Public Transportation”, but that one really pisses me the fuck off and I don’t want to shut up about it.

    So I’ll say “People here freak out when driving in the rain.”

  5. “There’s no downtown” is one I’m tired of hearing. And I can’t stand it when anybody who lives outside of the LA area refers to this town as “La La Land,” because they always sound so smug and dismissive when they do.

    Also, all those self-impressed people who live in Silver Lake and Echo Park who love reminding everybody how they NEVER venture west of Western. Fuck them. I know what they’re doing is called bragging, not complaining, but it’s still a veiled blame-Westsiders-for-anything-bad-about-LA tactic.

  6. – “LA is a desert.”

    No, it’s fucking not. It’s a Mediterranean climate. Look it up. Just because it doesn’t rain here as much as it does back east doesn’t make it a desert.

  7. Number #1 LA complain I hear from people:
    EVERYONE IS SO FAKE. GAWD.

    Not a complaint, but a comment I get is HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY LIVE THERE? EVERYONE IS SO GOOD LOOKING!

    I have to explain:
    a) Not a contest.
    b) Some people just win the DNA Olympics.
    c) For enough money, you can look any way you want.
    d) Thanks for calling me ugly, asshole.

  8. I just laugh at them all and point out the things we do right. Smog is my favorite, can anyone remember the 80’s when stage1 and 2 was common place? When was the last time we had any of those “stage alerts”?

  9. Yes, the smog is less bad. I mean, we still have some of the worst air quality in the country, but it’s not terrible like it used to be. When I was a kid, I got bronchitis, and for months after I got better, my lungs would still burn when I went outside during recess and did any sort of physical activity.

  10. Me too, Evan…especially if I was swimming all day…it would hurt to breathe.

    @slackmistress: I can’t believe anyone would say that to you. What a douche. or douchette.

  11. Hey I like that picture. I’m going to use it as my screensaver, and
    send to the next person that pisses me off, or sends me one of those
    “Get Rich Quick” emails.

  12. Living here most of my life, I thought it only took “20” minutes to get anywhere in Los Angeles. :)

  13. I always hear people complain that it’s hard to find anyone decent to date in L.A. – After living in multiple cities over the years, I see absolutely no difference. And also, my experience with traffic was far worse in Atlanta than it has been here.

  14. “Everyone always gets so fucking dressed up just to go to the market.”

    You’re kidding, right? At least as far as men are concerned. They’re slobs. The women clean up real nice though.

  15. I know like what market? Uggs with shorts is not getting dressed up, people.

    And Slackmistress, you should just tell them “I do fine here. You’d never make it though.”

  16. “There’s no parking anywhere!” Yes there is but you think that driving aimlessly will help. What will help is asking a friend who knows the area better than you.

    “There’s no ____ here!” If you keep comparing LA to “your” city, you might as well move back. LA isn’t going to change for you.

  17. I’m a transplant and also tired of hearing the same complaints. I think there’s plenty of parking here! Sometimes you have to pay for it, but it seems much more expensive and scarce when I visit my family in Chicago.

    To be fair, I’ve voiced some of these complaints, but seriously – everywhere you go has its issues. Try driving amongst the strain of Proudly Ignorant in Wisconsin; it’s just as challenging as driving with the Brave Douchebag contingent here.

  18. My list:
    -Everyone outside of California assumes that you can surf (I didn’t learn until I was 21)

    -Everyone from rural America (eg most of the Midwest) assumes that either a) you know someone famous or b) you’ve worked in the entertainment industry (most likely the film industry)

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