War Between Santa Monica’s Millionaires and Yuppies Reaches Absurd New Heights

img_1459Last November, I wrote about the war between millionaire residents and yuppie fitness maniacs over Santa Monica’s Fourth Street stairs and nearby median, located at the picturesque intersection of Fourth Street and Adelaide Drive. This war of attrition seemed to have gone in the residents’ (who happen to include Councilman Bobby Shriver) favor, as they convinced the police to enforce restrictions on noise and athletic activities in front of their homes. Indeed, as The Argonaut reports in a recent article, “[t]he Santa Monica City Council voted unanimously Tuesday, April 7th, to request staff to review several recommendations intended to address resident complaints regarding usage of the median at Fourth Street and Adelaide Drive and nearby street stairs.”

However, the Santa Monica Yuppie Fitness Maniacs (“SMYFMs”) have struck back with some ideas of their own. Incredibly, one idea discussed at the Council meeting involved “the proposed construction of alternative recreational stairs leading from Palisades Park down to the beach.” One resident at the meeting, no doubt a SMYFM, “encouraged the council to consider the opportunity to create ‘world class exercise stairs’ from Palisades Park down toward the beach.”

“Alternative recreational stairs”? “World class exercise stairs”? Newsflash to the SMYFMs: stairs are designed to get people from a lower place to a higher place, or vice-versa. They’re not designed to keep you in shape. The people of Santa Monica should not be building new sets of stairs solely to subsidize your workout routines. If you want to climb steps to get in shape, join a gym, where the Stairmaster has a never-ending set of steps for you to climb. Or go to the Westside Pavillion and climb up the down escalator. Or go to Machu Picchu.

(Photo of Santa Monica Palisades by Matt Mason)

8 thoughts on “War Between Santa Monica’s Millionaires and Yuppies Reaches Absurd New Heights”

  1. yeah, i agree, one should join a gym, or run some stadium stairs somewhere.

    What is it about this area that is so important to people all over the city to come there and exercise? Oh yeah, it’s a highly desirable landscaped neighborhood, with ample parking, and it’s really beautiful etc. It also doubles as a meeting point, social area and outdoor gym for people as well. Great! This place would be ideal if it wasn’t abused by people who treat it as an al fresco gym.

    I agree with the woman at the meeting, 4th and the median are not parks, they are streets with stairs to provide access to the street below.

  2. Makes me wish I was a Santa Monica resident so I could go to the council meetings and offer my input on this important subject. No…wait. I think what I meant was it makes me want to tell the SMYFMs, “Shut the hell up. ‘World class exercise stairs’? Really?

    This is why I don’t listen to KCRW on Tuesday nights.

  3. I say we get a group together to walk up and down the stairs veeeerrrry sloooooowly just to annoy the exercisers. I mean, it’s not like they have any priority to the stairs. Then again, an angry, sweaty lycra-clad mob might form.

  4. @evan : Set a date! Let’s do this!

    Bonus: Also talk on cell phones so we are distracted while we walk.

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