Fashion Spin Hell, or I Am So Not Fashion Forward

Ok, gird your loins for snark. Fall Fashion Week is coming, and while looking around online for info I ran into this–excerpted below–which, okay, okay, is for last year–but I just couldn’t resist posting their portrait of the “fashion forward Angeleno.” Get this: “…the beautiful Angeleno cannot live without her sage green YSL bag and eco-friendly denim while jumping into her hybrid.”

Does this mean I’m marked for death without my sage green YSL bag? Boy howdy, am I bummed I’m not one of the beautiful people right now. Where’s MY hybrid?! Will they march me to the city limits if I don’t have a hybrid–perhaps even in shades of lime, mint and Kelly green, reflecting the palette of an environmentally friendly spring season”by fall? I, too, wish to run errands in grey and purple wool oversized sweaters”! I want to “look no further than this season’s feminine looks to seal the perfect evening outfit to celebrate spring at celebrity and fashionista favorite hotspot, Hyde.” I know I want to “celebrate spring” at a celebutante bar, definitely. Can’t *I* drive to the trendy shops of Robertson Boulevard, ready to pick up spring season essentials”? Essentials? I thought essentials were toilet paper, soap and DSL. OMG, color me SOOOO last season!!! [claps hands to cheeks, aghast] How could I be so…so…UNFASHIONABLE?! The horror!!!

This breezy bulls**t marketing blurbage is so awesome in all the wrong ways, I keep trying to dig up this fall’s version of the same thing, but alas, the current Fall Fashion Week website offers no gems as brilliant as this. Click thru for the full version in all its vapid glory.

The Design Suites
Spring 2008 Collections

Driving down the palm tree lined streets of Beverly Hills, the fashion forward Angeleno is already gearing up for the upcoming spring season. With the eco-friendly motto, “All things green” in mind, the beautiful Angeleno cannot live without her sage green YSL bag and eco-friendly denim while jumping into her hybrid. With autumn in full gear, the chic Angeleno runs errands in grey and purple wool oversized sweaters, come spring she will be in light weight organic cotton basics of camisoles and tees in shades of lime, mint and Kelly green, reflecting the palette of an environmentally friendly spring season.
The Angeleno drives to the trendy shops of Robertson Boulevard, ready to pick up spring season essentials of loose tops, streamlined mini dresses, loose fitting tunics, high-waist pants and strappy metallic sandals. She embraces the palate of spring, but the quintessential black and white cannot be forgotten: in solids, prints, embellished pieces, separates, dresses, swimwear and accessories, it is a perfect blend of sophistication.
The spring season tells us to put aside the round cap toe platforms, T-strap wedge heels and suede oxfords of the fall for delicate heels and dainty soles. Always prepared for a night of fun, the stylish Angeleno looks no further than this season’s feminine looks to seal the perfect evening outfit to celebrate spring at celebrity and fashionista favorite hotspot, Hyde. From rope-wrapped espadrilles to sexy evening platforms, these shoes are the perfect balance for spring’s streamlined mini-skirts and dresses. With spring season approaching, The Design Suites is back in full force for its seventh season. We’re thrilled to be on-site again at Smashbox Studios and presenting an eclectic collection of designers showcasing from various categories.
A special thanks to our wonderful partners and vendors, The Daily, Beautiful Bartenders, California Apparel News, Bolthouse Productions, Classic Rentals, AAA Flag, and SEM Security.

See you at the Suites!”

6 Replies to “Fashion Spin Hell, or I Am So Not Fashion Forward”

  1. I am so toast.
    I don’t drive a hybrid, my wallet is from target and horrors none of my wardrobe is eco-friendly. Comfy I don’t think cuts it on their terms.

    Thankfully I don’t worry about that shit.

    Nice post.

  2. This inane, useless airspun bullshit is why non-Angelenos hate us. It’s not because Angelenos fit this mindless portrait as much as it is that some people–like whatever PR flak fabricated this–idealize this vision of their archetypal LA’er. THEY want to live like this, and their desire for blank materialism and the insatiable emptiness of surface beauty infects everything they write, film and promote.

  3. It turns out that suicide among the beautiful angelenos was up 9% in the past year, directly attributable to a shortage of the aforementioned designer bags and green jeans options combined with multi-month waiting lists for hybrid vehicles brought on by continuing high demand. Those poor, poor, impatient people. I’d kill myself too if I were them. Or just as vacuous.

    2008 is looking pretty grim as well. What with it being up to a year delay for “BAs” to get into their hot new Smart cars that they paid $5000 over sticker for, more are purchasing sage green Vespas and paying the ultimate price for taking to the roads with little or no scooter skills. Plus I believe plaid is the new solid so that’s bound to cause additional loss of life until the PR machine can come up with an appropriate campaign as to why that’s the best thing ever.

  4. The eco-friendly leather and suede cracked me up too!

    This tripe is written for people who never venture off Robertson into the real city of LA. I’d say your safe without your YSL bag as long as you stay away from those 4 or 5 blocks.

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