10 Reasons The Coffee Table Sucks

This morning we were craving oatmeal and my initial intention was to go to the Bright Spot until I remembered that I always get their grits, not oatmeal. I thought about it for a while and realized that all the awesome oatmeal I’ve had hasn’t been in LA so I turned to my old friend the internet for suggestions. I found a handful of suggestions for places an hour or more away and quite a few pointing me to The Coffee Table Bistro in Eagle Rock. I’ve been to the Silver Lake location before and people have told me to check out the Eagle Rock one so I thought this would be a good chance. Turns out that was a really bad idea. It sucked bigtime. Here’s why:

  1. “Fresh Squeezed OJ” was poured out of a gallon plastic jug which looked like it was from concentrate.
  2. Upon tasting this orange colored beverage, I was shocked to find they thought it was Orange Juice.
  3. Oatmeal was bland and tasteless, despite the craisins liberally dumped on top.
  4. The tofu scramble I ordered was literally diced, unseasoned tofu with what seemed like frozen rice and veggies.
  5. Their definition of a latte apparently is 90% foam, 9% milk, 1% coffee. Mine is a little different.
  6. Super expensive, breakfast at a corner cafe for 2 people should not be almost $50
  7. When the person who brought us our food asked “can I get you anything else” we said “yeah, could we have some water” we were rudely told “our water is self serve, you can get it yourself in the other room.”
  8. Tara ordered an omelet which was dry and served a bit cold.
  9. The feta cheese on said omelet was salty and gross.
  10. We both went in feeling a little sick looking for yummy breakfast to make everything better, but instead felt worse and wanted to puke when we left.

In closing, I’d heartily recommend staying the hell away from there and if anyone tells you their food is good you should kick them in the shin and spit in their eye. Also, then go somewhere else instead.

15 thoughts on “10 Reasons The Coffee Table Sucks”

  1. Sorry it sucked. I love good oatmeal. The best I have found is “Coaches Groats” which is a rough cut 3lb bag for about $7 at Costco. Whole grain and cooks up fast. Worth a try and the heartache of a bad meal at a restaurant.

  2. That sounds like almost every one of my experiences at the Bright Spot since it changed ownership… (well, thank God they still have good coffee!) Anyway, if you’re going to shell out some big breakfast bucks, keep heading West and head on over to the Alcove. Their oatmeal and homemade granola are big and tasty, and they do tofu right. The only downside is that so does most of that area, so it’s a zoo. But if you can get a jump on those sleeping in, it’s a tasty way to go. Good luck!

  3. the alcove is WAAY overpriced. Large coffee? $2.50. Bagel with slice of tomato? $6.50. give me a break.

  4. I think ANYONE hung over/sick would AUTOMATICALLY have a bad experience at ANY restaurant. The food could have been perfect and cheap, and they could have thrown in a free massage and blow job, and you STILL would have found something to complain about. And that’s OK. It might have been 50% your hangover/illness and 50% the kitchen just having an off day. Either way, leave the grand mal bashing to Chowhound or something, because I don’t think it’s warranted here. I have never had a bad experience at the Coffee Table, even when I was hung over. It’s all about perspective.

  5. Hey robpoynter,

    The Alcove is overpriced, I agree, but I figure if the OP was willing to shell out $50 for breakfast, he/she might as well go for it! :)

    It’s too bad La Belle Epoque left (replaced by Little Dom’s)–now THERE was some good breakfast…

  6. Sick, not hung over and I’m sorry to say I have eaten out when I’m sick in the past and it hasn’t been the bullshit I had to deal with this morning. When you are charging $4 for a glass of “fresh squeezed orange juice” if it’s poured out of a gallon jug that looks like it was just picked up at the grocery store that sucks no matter the health of the person buying it.

  7. Top 4 reasons this is blog post is crap

    1) Who the hell goes to the Coffee Table and orders tofu? Lame!
    2) Going to the Coffee Table with a queasy stomach: Let’s see, the last… well, EVERY time I’ve ever eaten a decent-sized meal at a restaurant in that state, it didn’t make my stomach feel better. Good thinking, buddy.
    3) It’s a cafe, not a full service restaurant – get over the water thing. Does Starbucks bring water to your table?
    4) Each the tofu scramble and the omelet are about 8 bucks a piece. A latte is a few bucks. What the hell did you order that added up to $50? Could this be a slight exaggeration?
    5) Projecting your poor judgment onto the Coffee Table does not a bad cafe make.

  8. You’ll note that in addition to the “top 4” I left a BONUS 5th reason – Enjoy!

  9. Elkazarr:

    1) Vegans, people who don’t like eggs, people who do like tofu scrambles. It’s on the menu, why not order it?

    2) Oh sorry about that, didn’t see the warnings that the food was questionable enough there that you should only attempt to eat it if you are 100% healthy. As I stated I hadn’t been there before and you didn’t tell me this ahead of time so i blame you.

    3) No, it’s a Bistro not a cafe. Starbucks also doesn’t cook breakfast.

    4) Tofu and Eggs, $9 each = $18, 2x Oatmeal, $7 each = $14. $32 for just the food. Two lattes at $5 each $10 = $42. “Fresh OJ” = $4. That makes $46, which last I checked was almost $50, add tip and there you have it.

    5) Yes it does.

  10. Another thing: when they squeeze OJ, what do you expect them to do with it? It’s got to go into SOME KIND of container. I worked in kitchens and bars for years and I’ve squeezed THOUSANDS of oranges for juice, and 99% of the time it goes into the same big plastic jug – like you saw.

    And didn’t you add up the costs of everything before you ordered? Why are you whining about the $50, when they clearly post prices on every item? When you saw them pouring the OJ you didn’t think was fresh or worth $4, why didn’t you ask to change your order? How about regular coffee instead of OJ? I guess I don’t understand how crying about the cost AFTER you willingly and knowingly spent the money is constructive or benefits anyone. You knew how much you were spending, if you had a problem with the amount, then don’t spend so much.

    And the VERY FIRST TIME I went to the Coffee Table I *understood right away* they they operate “cafeteria style,” which isn’t really all that unusual or exotic, there are tons of places like it. That means no conventional waitron service. You get your own shit – water, condiments, etc. because that’s just how the place works. It’s pretty apparent to most who go there, so I don’t know what you were expecting.

    And I would NOT eat such a heavy meal with stomach irritants like OJ and latte if I was feeling sick. You only made it worse, so no wonder you walked out of there pissed off. I have to wonder why you thought writing this post would benefit ANYONE except yourself. You lose.

  11. I’ve enjoyed many meals at the original Coffee Table, but while I live closer to the one in Eagle Rock, comments from friends and online have kept me away from the new one.
    I don’t know where you live, and I only go there with friends when I am in their area (Hollywood) but the Beachwood Cafe on North Beachwood (original entrace to Hollywoodland) is well known for their oatmeal. I haven’t had it, but friends really enjoy it. The rest of the cooking is ok, nothing fancy, but fast service and very reasonable prices…and considering the area, no attitude.
    On the oj, I guess CT thinks ‘fresh squeezed’ means ‘not from concentrate’ rather than actually squeezed directly by them from the oranges.
    Obviously, they subscribe to the philosophy of Humpty Dumpty (to Alice):
    “When I use a word, it means what I want it to mean; neither more, nor less”.

  12. I agree with this post. I’m sure the coffee table has nice folks and all and I wouldn’t expect them to really wait on me because of the whole cafeteria thing- but the plain fact here is the food is TERRIBLE. I’ve held out hope several times because my boyfriend likes the place but, was disappointed every time!

  13. “Another thing: when they squeeze OJ, what do you expect them to do with it?”

    Well, I expect them to not put it in a bottle with a store logo in it and little plastic safety seal and paper tab on the cap that the guy had to rip off in order to pour it. But that’s just me.

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