The Best Deal in Porno History

I was sitting in a hotel in Vegas over the weekend scanning the in-room movie options when I noticed they were advertising discount pornography. The TV said said “Hardcore Sex at a Lower Price”. This reminded me of two things:

1. I needed to call my father

2. I miss having a local video store

Like many people I order DVDs from Netflix, but I’m not happy about it. For years I used to walk to the 20/20 Video on Beverly Blvd. until it closed at the beginning of last year. I loved that store. In fact, it kind of represented the city to me because it was my first piece of official business I had a 20/20 membership before I even had a phone number in LA.

When 20/20 closed its doors it was the second saddest video store closing I’ve ever known. Now I say second saddest because while 20/20 was a good store, it’s wasn’t the best. More on this and a slightly inappropriate pic after the jump.

The best video store in town was located on Santa Monica Blvd, East of Fairfax right by the Trader Joe’s. If you were walking past you’d think there was nothing worth buying because from the outside all you could see were VHS tapes of 80’s movies. Those VHS tapes were just a front, though, because through the saloon-style doors was a galaxy of pornography. (I HEARD there was porn, again I NEVER checked to see if this was true…NEVER!) It was close enough to my house to be convenient but not close enough to run into my neighbors.

Now before you judge, keep in mind that this was not what you may be picturing – this store was clean and well lit, the kind of place you could go to on a date. (I might have learned of the place on one but I’m not saying that because my mother could be reading this and my story is that I never went there.)

The store was even a family place; I might have once seen a father and son picking out movies together. It was touching and revolting at the same time. Actually Touching and Revolting may have been the name of a movie they rented. Wait, it gets better! The father and son were shopping on Rent One, Get One Free Day! It made me think of my own dad and how once found the porn best deal ever.

When I was a kid in the 80’s the local independent video store burned down. The fire came as a shock to almost everyone except the owner, who allegedly set it, and my father, who was tipped off by one of the staff that something was about to happen.

This inside information explains why we were at the store picking out a dozen movies just hours before the store mysteriously turned to ashes. Of course, when I say we were picking out movies I mean that I was looking for classic horror films while my dad browsed the section behind the curtain.

Now you might think that we left the store that night with two classic Universal horror films and a stack of VHS porno, and you’d be right, we did. But we also took home a valuable lesson. When that store burned down, the movies were ours to keep. The only thing better than movies is discount movies, and that counts double for porn.

Unfortunately, the store on Santa Monica didn’t burn down. Just like the 20/20, it collected all of its movies and shut down. I couldn’t help but be a little bit disappointed that there wasn’t a fire, so I could call home and tell my dad. He’d understand what a deal it would be.

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