Dear Annoying Couple Sitting in F-17 and F-18 at the December 15th 8:30pm Showing of I Am Legend at ArcLight Sherman Oaks,
You are douche bags. Huge, unbelievable douche bags. You not only discussed every trailer as it ran, you chatted through the entire movie. Non-stop. An impressively irritating 101 minutes. It was as if you have never been to the movies before. Maybe you had never even been out in public before. “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh my God. Oh Sam. Oh Sam. Oh Sam.”
Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Seriously. What is this, AMC Burbank? Stop talking to the screen. You are the reason people stopped going to the movies in 1990.
I’m not trying to hate. I’m trying to help. I want you to know how stupid you sound so you can do something about it. I don’t want you to be sitting at your house on New Year’s Eve wondering why none of your friends came to your party. Yes, it’s because they don’t like you. You grate on their every nerve. Let’s work on that for ’08. Mmmkay?