To the person (you know who you are) who was at my PGA screening of The Golden Compass this past Saturday night. Did you happen to notice that everyone seated around you was gasping for air? The giggles you heard escaping from hand-covered faces were not giggles of joy. They were giggles of disbelief, the kind of laughter that can be defined as “nervous” and “disgusted.” Please know that I wasn’t laughing–I was suffocating. I had to press my boyfriend’s well-cologned wrist against my nose for the majority of the film, just so I could stay conscious.
Here are a few tips:
1. Public farting is NOT okay, anywhere, anytime. If you need to pass gas, excuse yourself to a private place (in this particular case, the BATHROOM in the theater lobby would have been IDEAL). I am not King Arthur, so please don’t fart in my general direction.
2. Whatever you ate for dinner before the film didn’t agree with you. Think about it.
3. Gas-X is the trusted leader in gas relief.