Where the Men Aren’t

Its pretty rare that I have to agree with an anti-Los Angeles rant, such as this one at DoubleViking.com that begins by saying, “Hatred for Los Angeles is as American as Apple Pie.” In writer Lukas Kaiser’s case, his point of contention is that “LA Is Not for the Manly.” His evidence:

#1 Most of the City’s Cash is Made from People Playing Pretend
I’m pretty sure international trade and manufacturing make the city more money, but I get the point. People definitely associate Los Angeles with movie making. And while Lukas recognizes some bad ass movies are made, the filmmaking process troubles him. On set, “there’s a lot of bitching, a lot of pampering and, overall, a general ‘welcome to the drama club’ atmosphere; while you might like Will Smith movies, I’m sure you’d try to beat Will Smith the actor silly if you ever hung out with the guy.”

#2 No Bars, Only Clubs
“A nightlife driven by clubs seems positively pussy.”

#3 Most Shitty Pop Music Is Recorded There
He also points out the androgynous style of the 80’s metal scene as evidence. “Even the ‘manly’ alternatives in LA look like they have vaginas.” (see pic)

#4 The Have the Worst Stand Up Comics
His evidence: “Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia.”

#5 Abundant Use of Plastic Surgery

“Plastic surgery isn’t just vain. It’s also pretty unmanly.” Dangerously, he uses noneother than Chuck Norris to prove his point.

After reading that, I need some a low-carb beer. Organic. Now, where’s the catering tent? And where the f#ck is my stylist!?

read the whole thing

14 Replies to “Where the Men Aren’t”

  1. Haters will be haters. It’s just who’s doing the hating and who they’re hating on that changes.

    There are bars…if you look hard enough.

    #1 and #5 pretty bang on though.

  2. He’s spot on. Regardless, I like it here. Traffic is already so bad do we really want more people to move here?

    /waving arms…. “go back, we suck, we’re fake, you’ll hate it here”

  3. pheh…to know us is to love us. My favorite twist on an la bashing joke. “How many los angelenos does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

    NONE…We screw in hot tubs.

  4. Locals know exactly where the bars are. And we aren’t telling.

    Most of the shitty musicians/writers/actors/comics/bloggers aren’t from LA. They come from elsewhere and then give us a bad name.

    In any case, my answer to those bagging on LA is simple: Fine, please stay away. Really. We’re doing just fine without you.

  5. David, why must you give motherfuckers like that a voice?

    The Militant Debunks:

    1. Yes international trade and manufacturing, but even more, the health care industry.

    2. Get out of the Sunset Strip, which is technically in West Hollywood. The Strip sucks now anyway.

    3. “Thriller” was recorded here. “Pet Sounds” was recorded here. You fail at life.

    4. The Militant has heard many funny standup comics here, but Lukas Kaiser has never heard of them nor never will, since he only points to dated mainstream pop culture as his reference.

    5. The Militant knows no one personally who has undergone plastic surgery. Okay maybe one person who had a nose job out of hundreds of people he knows. What percentage is that? He knows there are a lot of people who transplant themselves here and go for that shit, but he doesn’t know any of them.

  6. You really have to wonder about the “manliness” of a guy whose entire experience of LA seems to be within a few trendy blocks in Hollywood and West Hollywood. Trust me, there are plenty of bars in East LA, South LA, the Harbor Gateway, Wilmington and San Pedro where you can get the living fuck beat out of you, if that’s really what you’re into. And the person giving you a compound concussion will not have a nose job, and will have never been on a movie set.

  7. I don’t know that I would bother to argue that LA is “manly,” but the logic behind this dude’s list is downright stupid. Two simple rebuttals:

    1) For a long, long time LA’s largest industry was aerospace. Check out the Wikipedia entry on LA’s economy to get a feel for what a narrow slice of the pie the entertainment industry really is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Los_Angeles%2C_California#Economy

    3) Yeah, um Metallica is from here too. Ditto Megadeth. And that’s only the metal bands. How about the Germs? Black Flag? Fear? Youth Brigade? Circle Jerks? Bad Religion? If I have any problem with the west coast hardcore scene, which originated in LA, it’s that it was too macho.

    And I second Percival:

    “You really have to wonder about the ‘manliness’ of a guy whose entire experience of LA seems to be within a few trendy blocks in Hollywood and West Hollywood. “

  8. And Poison is from Pennsylvania. Damn those vagina-sporting Quakers.

    But it just goes to show, the majority of the complaints about the people in LA are referring to transplants. Of course, they’re still in LA, so it’s not exactly an invalid complaint.

  9. This is just a somewhat new twist on a very, very old cliché. For decades, lazy writers have been banging out these essays about the “LA lifestyle,” and without exception these writers have fixated upon the tiny sliver of LA’s population that lives in Hollywood or West LA, is Caucasian, and works in the entertainment industry. With this little trick, a writer and his or her readers are able to flatter themselves that they are smarter and more tasteful than an entire city. People in other cities lap this shit up year after year, which certainly goes to show how unsophisticated a lot of sophisticated people are.

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