Google-mapping the neighbors from hell sorry for yourself for having evil, shitty, noisy, criminal, unwashed, crank-snorting, mouth-breathing, knuckle-walking, dog-beating, trash-flinging neighbors?

Here’s solace: just added Los Angeles to the Google Maps API that it pairs with a general invitation to bitch about the next-doors to yield neighbor-from-hell diatribes – and occasional nuggets of comedy gold.

Go on, click on the map, and revel in tales of 4 a.m. guitar playing, naked cooking, front-yard parking lots strewn with dogshit, and filthy, stinky, noisy gypsy trash.

Are your neighbors worse than the ones written about here?

Like this one, cheerily titled, “Welcome to hell, neighbor!

Hello, we’re your new landlords nextdoor at 6224 Lindenhurst. We’d like to welcome you to your new apartment. Say, you don’t mind if we decide to put our property up for sale and let people walk through on weekends without notice do you? Great! Don’t mind us, we’re just having a surprise yard sale on your front grass. Watch your step! I know you want to leave your house, but we’ve just arranged all our blank VHS casettes on your stairs. OH hi… do you mind not using your front door for the next few days? We’re going to PAINT THE SIDEWALK. Your deposit? What deposit? You gave us a $2000 deposit? You put nails in your wall, we need to fix them and that costs $2000.

Or Fred Head’s little screed, entitled, “Where do I even begin?”:

Kids screaming at all hours of the day, from 6 am to 2 am. Teenagers pissing on the porch. Landlord corners you at any opportunity to bitch and moan about ‘the city’ people who come by and insist that he obey the law. The nerve of them.

What else? Right, expect them to park in your driveway, allow their friends to park in the driveway and hang out in the drive way.

Speaking of driveways, kids careen up and down it on little kick ped scooters, screaming their head off after having an afternoon snack of corn on the cob dipped in margarine and dusted with Kroger’s brand parmesan cheese in a tube. You know what they had after school because the remnants lay in the grass in front of the building.

Don’t forget their buddies who sort of live there – their room is usually parked in front – a 2 tone van. Of which, they also apparently cater meals out of. We know this because one morning we were awakened by the smell of gas and the sound of deep frying.

When we investigated, it turned out that the buddies who live in the van were using the front porch (at 7 am on a Saturday, mind you) as an impromptu kitchen. Propane tanks used in conjunction with some portable deep fryer and the grill for some mmm mmm carne asada. A 20 lb sack of rice also came into play.

They were, however, kind enough to relocated the propane tank/deep fryer combo from under our window to the other neighbor’s window when asked. Let some of the other neighbors share a room filled with deadly gas is what I say!

There is more, but that is just a taster….yummy.

Mmmm. Smell the schadenfreude.

Oh, and can we all wonder how long it will take the libel lawyers to start sharpening their knives?

5 thoughts on “Google-mapping the neighbors from hell”

  1. Interesting and I have my doubts on the ability to win a libel suit if what is published can be documented. Telling the truth is the best defense. Not a bridge I’d cross verbally but a few well posted pictures would let others make their own decisions.

    In the mean time I have dipstick next door who hasn’t mowed his back yard in 7 years, piled high in dog shit with construction debris piled higher and rats and snakes all over the place. He see’s nothing wrong with parking cars on the front lawn and doing maintenance there either. Want to see pictures? We all have the neighbor from hell I just post him on various sources as “my white trash neighbor” and laugh it off as the city won’t do squat about the complaints he generates.

  2. MOFOMON – thanks, I fixed that.

    Frazgo – totally true. You can’t disprove true allegations – particularly without looking stupid. Doesn’t stop people from suing your ass.

    Rumorsdaily – nope. But if you can track ’em down, you can certainly sue the posters.

  3. My favorite…

    Crazy Drug Addled Lesbian Manager!

    The manager and her partner fight at all hours of the day, mostly about who stole whose drugs.

    Reminds me of a neighbor lady I had in Oakland who screamed the following one bright ‘n sunny Christmas morning…“Where are my pills?!!!….who took my pills?!!!….I’m gonna kill you if you don’t give me my pills!!…..BITCHFUCKER!”

    Crazy ladies are the best.

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