So because of an alleged coyote bloom in some section of Riverside, officials in that
ingrown inbred inland city saw fit to hire themselves one-uh them there perfeshunal hunter types to quote-unquote alleviate the problem. After what I can only imagine must have been an exhaustive and rigrous selection process they gave up and settled on the particular perfeshunal critter killer who submitted the lowest bid and then instructed him to provide relief to the coyote-crowded neighborhood in question by: A) Humanely apprehending the coyotes; B) Transporting them to a pre-determined location; C) Exterminating them with extreme prejudice. But that didn’t happen t’all. Instead this pristine example of short-bus humanity opted against all warning signs to use his head — boy howdy he did and then some! — and cut right to the chase post haste.
Now, there is some debate and discussion as to the size and syllable count of the actual words used in the work order being much too large and complicated for said authorized animal attacker to comprehend, but that’s just hearsay and a matter of opinion. What’s fact is that said gunslinging goober opted to remedy himself the situation by bypassing those first two difficult and time-wasting steps that he couldn’t remember anyway and instead proceed straight to the fun part via gunshots and bootkicks on a residential street against the the first of two of the wiley varmints as witnessed by an area resident who said he saw the whole bloody thing, according to the story posted on cbs2.com:
Kevin Mitchell said he called police Thursday after hearing gunshots, going outside and seeing a man shoot a coyote on Riverside Drive.
As the coyote struggled, the man kicked the animal in the head, he told police.
“There are two huge puddles of blood on the street,” Mitchell said. “It was cruelty.”
Shortly afterward, the hunter shot and killed another coyote, also in a residential area, after police checked the hunter’s credentials.
Word is the hunter won’t be arrested and charged with cruelty to animals. Instead he’s just been suspended from his duties because he fired them guns near some inconveniently placed homes, dang ’em. Reports that he’s over at Ed’s Suds ‘N Spuds throwing back Pabst Blue Ribbons with the cops that let him keep on killing are incorrect. The beer is Old Milwaukee.