So I dial a local adult emporium to make my reservation for my friend Polly‘s upcoming (adult) staged reading and am greeted by the cheery, professional, completely non-sexual voice of a woman listing my available options on the voicemail menu:
For accounts payable, press “6”…for store hours, press “blah blah”…
And then, without so much as a hint of a nudge or wink,
For leather, press ’15’;” “For toys, press ’18’.
Which immediately brings to mind two questions: what are items 16 & 17, and why are all other voicemail menus so lame?
Warning: please do NOT start dialing the Pleasure Chest to hear the menu–it only works if the lines are all full and as a responsible citizen and former retail worker, I don’t want some nice counter person losing her mind.
I’d like to think pressing 16 or 17 would perhaps get you to someone not unlike “The Gimp” in Pulp Fiction. I envision someone picks up the phone, places it next to his head and you just hear his mumbled gurgling, moaning and whimpering. Maybe it’s just heavy breathing.
I could think about this all day…..