Greatest Awards Show Acceptance Speech Ever

An open letter to Los Angeles County lawmakers:

Over at the intersection of Wilshire and Santa Monica Blvds on Monday night, Sacha Baron Cohen walked away with the Golden Globe for best actor in a comedy or musical movie. It may have been the most perfect speech ever delivered. At least at an awards show.

I encourage you review his acceptance speech in the hopes that it inspires you to pass a law requiring award show producers to review nominee’s acceptance speeches and disqualifying them from winning if the speech isn’t at least 25% as entertaining as “Borat’s”. I’m not sure what the penalties will be, but maybe our readers can suggest some in the comments.

Click to watch, or read the transcript after the jump.

I want to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press. And I just want to say this movie was a life-changing experience. I saw some amazing, beautiful, invigorating parts of America. But I saw some dark parts of America. An ugly side of America. A side of America that rarely sees the light of day. I refer, of course, to the anus and testicles of my co-star Ken Davitian. Ken, as I…when I was in that scene, and I stared down and saw your two wrinkled Golden Globes on my chin, I thought to myself, ‘I’d better win a bloody award for this.’ And then when my 300 pound co-star decided to sit on my face and squeeze the oxygen from my lungs, I was faced with a choice: death, or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in a small pocket between his buttocks for 30 years. Kenneth, if it was not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today.

(As the music comes up, Baron Cohen closes by thanking everyone who hasn’t sued him yet.”

Lets all stick together to stop award shows from being trite and boring. Don’t just do it for Los Angeles, do it for America!

…h/t Defamer

2 thoughts on “Greatest Awards Show Acceptance Speech Ever”

  1. Clearly it ought to involve being sat upon by Ken Davitian or his or her 300 lb. co-star of choice, no?

  2. Actually, my favorite bit of the Globes this year was the Alec Baldwin reaction shot when Arnold came out at the end.

    It may actually be my favorite reaction EVER.

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