It must have been a slow news day yesterday, because our local 11pm broadcasts spent an awful lot of time covering bagged spinach’s deadly assault on bagged-spinach-eating Americans all across the country.
One station sent a reporter up to Ventura to do a story about local farmers, and how the irrational terror of all spinach — not just the bagged variety — is cutting into their bottom line, because nobody is buying it.
Of course, spinach grown and picked in Ventura is perfectly safe to eat, but the local newsdrones could sensationalize their story of they included that information in the beginning of the story, so that little bit of information was tacked on at the end of the story, as if it just didn’t matter.
If you’re going North this week, stop off in Ventura and pick up a bunch of spinach, okay? It’s only a buck, it will help some farmers, and it will show the local newsdrones that we will not be terrified into non-spinach-buying submission.
Stay vigilant, but don’t alter your plans, in other words. We can’t let the local newsdrones win.