Take My Shit, Please

Dear Kern County,

We have a shitload of assholes in Los Angeles and we have almost no undeveloped space. This quandary forces us to export our shit to your lovely sprawling farms. We know that you are the breadbasket of California, and we also know that our shit is good shit and makes those crops grow big and strong. We’ve just committed to spending millions of dollars to make our poop processing plants even better so we can continue to truck those 250,000 tons of shit each year to your wonderful county. Please don’t cut us off, San Bernardino may be the largest county in the country but you guys have the farms, so don’t make us find a new place to send out excrement. Did I mention we also have powerful lawyers who are fighting for our crap cause?

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