Me vs. Nature – again

Okay so if you are a raccoon and you are reading this will you please FUCK OFF?

Everybody already knows that raccoons are Nature’s Assholes, but you and your pals have attacked my poor fountain three times in this past week, knocking off the top tier (the thing is concrete!), taking out all the putty around the tubing, and this morning I discover that the filter on the pump is in fact gone.

I know that the environment is allegedly shared space but I think you’ve shared quite enough of mine.

Move on already. Don’t make me put in the electric fence.

(not that fried critter doesn’t sound downright delicious at this point)

4 Replies to “Me vs. Nature – again”

  1. We had a pair that lived in the avocado tree that was right next to our house. They used a little corner of our roof as their toilet.

    “How nice,” they must have thought, “The house people are cleaning up our shit again. They must be planning a party.”

    They’re clever ones …

    That tree had to go though, so now they just live in the sewers (or maybe some other sucker’s tree and poop on their roof).

  2. That hating shit blows so allow me to scab up my knees getting down on them to beg to differ. I’ll take a raccoon over a human — nature’s true assholes — any day.

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