Arnold Palmer’s Law

Dear Abby:

Lately, whenever I go to the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood I order an Arnold Palmer, as I’m trying to lighten up on the caffeine (down from an average of three lattes a day to two). You do know what an Arnold Palmer is, right?

My problem is that only half the time does it seem the good concession folks at the Arclight understand what I’m asking for. It never fails that if I ask for an Arnold Palmer directly, the blue shirted staffers give me a blank stare and explain that they only serve alcohol at the bar and select “21 and Up screenings”. However, if I ask for “a large cup filled with half lemonade, half iced tea,” they condescendingly reply, “Why don’t you just ask for an Arnold Palmer?”

Regardless, they always give me what I want in the end, but I feel like an idiot either way. What can I do to avoid this ever awkward attempt to satiate my thirst?

-Decaffeinated in Hollywood

3 Replies to “Arnold Palmer’s Law”

  1. I would ask for an Arnold Palmer and, when greeted with blank stares, condescendingly inform them that it’s “a large glass filled with half lemonade, half iced tea.” It isn’t really a solution, but at least you get to condescend rather than be condescended to. (P.S. Don’t forget that iced tea is usually caffeinated! I mention this because it is my favorite soft drink and I have to avoid it these days, much to my chagrin.)

  2. I was on an original dacquiri kick a couple-some years ago, searching to find a local bar that knew how to make them the way Hemingway drank them in Havana (basically real lime juice, sugar, rum; shaken with ice and strained into a chilled glass). At the 4100 Bar on Sunset I asked for one and the barkeep gave me that same very blank stare that haunts you and then quipped “We don’t have blenders here.” Argh.

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