Poachin’ ‘Quats


I confess I am a fan of the ‘quats. Be they prefaced with either a “kum” or a “lo” for them I gogogo. I am fortunate to have growing on our neighbor’s property a loquat tree which has been so kind as to extend its boughs into our backyard, thus providing me with ready and legal access to the delectable fruit — and this spring’s crop is promising to be bountiful… if they’ll ever ripen. Not a day has gone by in the last couple weeks that I haven’t been checking in anticipation and urging them to hurry on up to full fruition.

Kumquats? Not so lucky. So I’ve been reduced to thievery from a tree located in the front yard of an apartment building the dog and I pass on our daily walks. It started off last week when I discovered the tree a few doors down from where I found this sign that I wrote about. Standing there with fruit festooning only an arm’s reach away, my first offense was to snatch a single, solitary kumquat and keep moving. Around the corner onto Sunset I glanced furtively behind me to see if I was being pursued and when I wasn’t I eyed the flawless citrus jewel, wiped off a speck of something from its skin and popped it into my mouth where I discovered that exquisite bite-sized blend of sour and sweet and I almost did an about face with the dog and went back for more. Much more.

“Easy there fella,” which I’m pretty sure I said aloud. Somehow I managed to stave off the urge to plunder… at least until the next day, when I grabbed four and flew as ninja-like as I could be in the broad daylight with a dog on a leash. Then there was Saturday’s walk-around with the wife and my haul was six — two for her and four for me. This morning (as pictured up top), the take was eight — and this time it was just plain bold and brazen. Not only did I not give a hoot who might see me, but I took my sweet old time getting all picky and choosey. And tomorrow? I’m going double-digits, see… and don’t nobody try and stop me, myah!

P.S. L.A. Times Columnist Joel Stein is a loquat hater.

4 thoughts on “Poachin’ ‘Quats”

  1. be careful or you will get a long winded typed note (large font) inside of a plastic sheet saver stapled to a telephone pole outside your pad…

  2. From what I’ve learned “kumquat” is Chinese for “gold orange.” Since loquats also have their origins in China and are somewhat golden as well but decidely more figgy than citrus-y, my guess is what makes a quat a quat is its color.

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