The Angry Angelino – a new low

Okay I admit I’m compulsively watching UPN News.

Lauren Sanchez is simply horrifying – those giant breasts, glossy slug lips, the whore togs, the leering come-on as she reads the bite-sized newslets – hoo gah, I’m hooked!

The “news” broadcast has lots of dopey segments backed with loud craprock, designed to lure what I can only guess is the younger generation into watching the same otherwise boring stories on every other network at 11pm.

New to the lineup is some dork they call The Angry Angelino – a pudgy 30-something pan-ethnic jerk yelling about something he’s pretending to be mad about. Really in all of LA they couldn’t find a better actor than this?

The best thing was the other night when he was bitching about LA being – are you ready – too superficial! He was complaining about people obsessively getting plastic surgery, botox, and other medical enhancements – right under the resculpted nose of the anchorwhore! His message was something stupid like, “embrace your face.”

And boy was Lauren not happy to have to listen to it – her face looked like she was smelling shit!

Stamp this newscast: a train wreck.

19 Replies to “The Angry Angelino – a new low”

  1. I would have to admit that I wasn’t the least bit saddened when KCOP was replaced here in San Diego with a local UPN affiliate. I also won’t be in the least bit saddened when both stations become independents later this year.

  2. Hey Ruth666,
    As bad as the ‘news’ broadcst is, get a load of the commericals! They show ‘anchor’/suit mannequin Rick Garcia twirling her around in the air as they cut away, now and again, to shots of them speaking of their on-air chemistry as though they were dating/screwing/married or something.

    Everytime I see these commercials, I have to drop everything and watch, as it is utterly surreal, like if Cinemax had a so-called “newscast”.

    As lacking as they sometimes may be, you never see the anchors on any of the other L.A. stations twirl each other around in the air, do you?

    Can you imagine 106 year old Hal Fishman lifting the cross-eyed chick and trying to get all frisky with her should KTLA shoot some news commercials? Neither can I; but I’d love to see it…

    chris checkman

  3. I am reluctant to admit that in the City of Plastic Angels I do not have a tv with which to see the plastic gloriousness of Her Laurenitude. Please post a URL to a picture.

  4. Oh deliver me from people too righteous to own the demon television.

    Here’s a link to a site with photos, none of which really captures her joie de sleaze.

  5. Re: I Wish I’d Kept In Touch With That Weird Acid Dealer Guy From Years Ago:

    Yeah, I agree with you on the whole holier-than-thou-I-own-no-television thing. Everytime someone recites that tried and true usless line, all it makes me think is that they know every last line from “Welcome Back Kotter”, found it to not be working in terms of upping their relative cool factor(s), and spun a 180 degree turn, as yet another pose.

    Personally, at this very moment, I am giddily watching the stupidest movie of all time (after spending the evening scouring the news channels), which would be DIE HARD. To me, it is perhaps the greatest ever of the unintentional comedies; and is even better when one is kida swacked as I am now. Thank god for digital cable; and thank whatever god you pray to for the very existence of television….

    In regard to the brilliant Lauren Sanchez/Rick Garcia pairing on L.A.’s UPN 13 News at 11PM, perhaps the best moments ever are watching her twitter her way through a serious story (an armed kidnapper/hostage thing; suicidal bird flu kids taking control of a bus, etc.)– and then merrily transitioning into a story about a dancing chicken in some twisted Finnish carnival.

    It’s like watching someone’s hot psychotic stepmom trying to hold forth on current events between shots of rum and quaaludes in the early 80’s….

    In other words, it is almost perfect television.

    Glad I am not alone in this. Can’t wait to see what they fuck up next….

    Best wishes, Ruth….

    chris checkman

  6. Hm, reread my post and don’t see anything in there that rings of self-righteousness or holier-than-thouness and it made no claim of my being better or your being worse. Too bad you feel that way. Sounds like a personal problem though…

  7. Hey Dano,
    If I misread you, my apologies; but, if you are somehow saying you do not own a television, and are doing so without trying to make yourself somehow seem cooler for it well, you’re the first non-television watcher I’ve ever encountered who hasn’t worn it as some sort of Red Badge Of Above It All street cred.

    Every last person I have ever encountered claiming to neither own a television, nor have interest in it (however said interest may manifest itself) has always added this edge of snarky, “I’m more evolved than those who watch the idiot box” attitude to their all too aggresive anti-TV posturings– and I guess this has somehow made me somewhat wary of their words, and the way they present them.

    By the way, and speaking of which, your semi-condescending reply back to me in which you (paraphrasing greatly here…) “feel bad” about my “personal problem”, leads me to ask the following question:

    In your original post, you seem to link televsion with the “City Of Plastic Angels”, then proceed to tell us you do not own one. Okay, we get it; you’re too cool for it. By implication, you link television to fakery– and seem to further imply that those who watch it are all a part of the great fakery machine, as though we are not as artily advanced as are you.

    And then, in your most recent shot (toward me, I assume), you whip out the tried-and-true “personal problem” tactic…

    Which leads to my question:

    It would be one thing if some who proudly holds as a foundation of his extremely cooler than the rest of us character were only commenting on this thread as a way of divebombing those of us who own televisions and spitting out his rhetoric against the medium as a way of showing us grunting, stupid less-evolved things how we might one day see the light, and somehow dig ourselves out of our blind-eyed fascination with the plugged in broadcast/cable/satellite dish- connected beast….

    So, why are you instead asking for links to pictures of empty-headed bimbo of death, Lauren Sanchez.? Moreover, seeing as you have the internet (which, sorry, is now easily beyond television in terms of the level of stupidity it can convey…), there is something of a certain contradiction about you, Dano: You have the internet, which mans you could afford a television, but do not have one, yet you post upon a blog thread about TV asking to a link to pictures of of one of the great local offenses/offenders against journalism.

    Yeah Dano, I do have personal problems; but, I’m not schizophrenic, nor such a stripe of hypocrite….

    My guess is that you have a high-definition 60″ plasma screen hooked up to a full subscription satellite package service, with bigassed home-theater sound capabilities and all the other trimmings, etc.

    It just sounds really cool to wear the beret over your balding head and go on the net, to blog threads about TV, telling folks you don’t own one, right?

    Oh, and please don’t take the “hey, I am just an interested observer of people, blah blah blah” parachute, either….

    chris checkman

  8. Still no response, Dano? I’d have thought your lack of owning a television might have spared you time from your busy day to write back (provided you could manage a few minutes away from your important sculptures, etchings, and herd of free-range chickens); but, I guess your fervent requests for pictures of, and information regarding television’s Lauren Sanchez have somehow monopolized your time, huh?

    Maybe you “researched” this topic and requested said photographic materials for some really deep and meaningful piece you intend with which to illustrate how lame all of us are who own televisions, yet do not have the artistic merit to claim to have never seen one one, nor possess one, right?

    Surely your being here on this board was some sort of artistically tortured and magma-deep commentary on the state of human idiocy as conferred by the idiot tube/plasma/high-definition box, right?

    To my great misfortune, I have never met anyone who has opened an argument with some sort of “I reject/deny the existence of/ do not own…” a television who, sorry, isn’t secretly or otherwise, utterly fascinated by it all.

    We get it, Dano. You’re way too cool for TV– so cool in fact, that you try to presume a certain strain of personal problems upon me (got it, okay?) while still avoiding the esential question:

    If you do not own a TV, and thus do not care; why are you posting on a television-themed thread on this site– and why the fuck do you (Mr. “Television Will Not Taint Me, I Can Assure You”) in any way need to see pictures of Lauren Sanchez, if her only claim to fame is television exposure?

    Beyond the fact that she is almost criinally insane when she tries her hand at ‘serious’ news, she should be well beneath you, in terms of what you seek– right, Dano?

    I mean, televison, BLECCHHHH!, huh?

    Why would someone as obviously evolved as you even wnt to waste his time by actually posting on a television board (and asking for URLs to television-based images)– after opening with the whole “I don’t own one” codicil, anyway?

    Unless you are fucking completely insane, or the one and only stuntman who stands in for all hypocrisy…

    All the better and easier to pay the electric bill that keeps your TV flickering, right?

    The “I don’t own a TV” pose was a dead limb of an even further dead pose long before there was even an internet for same and said self-poitioned TV haters like you who stll wanted to see the pictures….

    Please, please, regale us next with tales of how you eschew the automobile, as you only wish to walk the lonely path to whatever destination strikes you as falling into your particular brand of cool.

    Sounds like you have some personal problems.

    your TV-watchin’ pal!,
    chris checkman

  9. To YAWN: If you testify to my doctor as to my need for Quaaludes, I’ll testify to your GP that you’re a know-nothing shit with a short attention span!

    Sorry, Yawn, if reading words makes you tired and cranky. Have you considered, oh– I don’t know!– maybe just skipping that which makes you react like a stupid spoiled pig used to shorter bursts?

    I do not pretend to be a major player on this site, YAWN;but, do not expect me to shrink and run away like my words somehow matter less than yours. If you see my name– skip the fucking post if you cannot take 5 minutes to read whatever I write!!!!

    This is the fucking INTERNET, Yawn! With all the racist posts and sites out there; do you really expect me to believe that I am the worst poster you will ever read?

    Uh, no; so do not expect me to back down. If you hate what/how I write– don’t fucking read it. Simple as that. If my words are too long for your sensibilities, just tune me out, as is your right….

    But, YAWN, please do not imply that I have no right to post here, or anywhere else on the ‘net. You, or anyone else, can always just choose to ignore me, or those of my ilk.

    But, such ignorance then falls upon you.

    As for me, I’ll post my ass off off until I grow bored of dealing with close-minded twits like you.

    Feel free to ignore me; but do not expect this to stop anytime soon….

    your pal,
    chris checkman

  10. Hey Ruth666,
    I am all for upping my meds, if only as a great grand sacrifice along the lines of such a brave and intrepid hero like YAWN; who, while not having a television, still wants to comment on the medium, as well as on those of us who have it, and take/enjoy/hate it for what it is.

    You know, sort of a televised version of the stumbling contradiction that is YAWN himself, right?!

    Oh, YAWN, thanks for the unlicensed medical opinion you blurted in regard to having my non-existent doctor up my non-existent Ritalin dosage. I guess you believe that if I add Ritalin to whatever else is running through my bloodstream, perhaps I’ll somehow come to see the now-tired argument starting with “I do not have a tv” as somehow less bullshit.

    Sorry you closeted HD/Tivo/satellite-having batwanger; but, those of us with brains who have encountered your type before are now well-prepared for you useless onslaught of gibberish.

    You claim to not own a tv, because this works for you when trying to pick up 18 year old Cal Arts twinkies you meet in idiot coffeehouses; but, I hate coffee, am no twinkie, and would sooner die than believe that moribund/wannabe hipster beatnik fraud line ever again. It was lame as all shit ten years ago when you first started wearing the beret to cover your bald spot; and now, in 2006, when you actually ask for Lauren Sanchez pictures, it is beyond lame, and just fucking sad.

    YAWN, your last two posts in my direction were pure genius, of the type only those who have avoided television who muster: “Your doctor should up your (in order, everybody!) Quaalude, Ritalin prescription(s), blah blah…”

    Wow, YAWN! Aren’t you the clever social commentator and farceur! Since you are no doubt glued to ESPN or Oxygen or the UPN13 News with Lauren Sanchez right now, lemme save you the time you might hqave wasted on a Phlistine such as me my doing your next few posts aimed in my direction, okay?

    Okay!

    From YAWN (so called, because he is just so advanced that all of what he deems modern ‘trash’ culture just bores him!): “Hey Chris, tell your doctor to up your Valium prescription!”, “Hey Chris Checkman, tell your doctor to up your Xanax dosage”, “Hey, Checkman, ask your doctor to reinvestigate the level of Percodan he is prescribing to you…”, “Hey Chris Checkman, ask your doctor why I am so lame with my drug prescription comebacks, okay?”, “Mr. Checkman, perhaps you need the same clitorectomy I gave myself with a boxcutter in 2003; and ask your doctor to up your Dilaudid regimen….”

    There, YAWN; now you don’t have to waste your time on me and my sorry ass for the next few weeks, which should help you cath up on all the episodes of “American Idol” and “Will and Grace and Lauren Sanchez” you’ve Tivo’d up until now.

    Don’t thank me; just ask your doctor if Valtrex is right for you.

    Nice try, YAWN.

    You couldn’t have picked a better screen name if you tried.

    To Ruth666, thanks for writing back, and the kind words….

    GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!,
    your pal,
    chris checkman

  11. Hey Ruth666,
    I am all for upping my meds, if only as a great grand sacrifice along the lines of such a brave and intrepid hero like YAWN; who, while not having a television, still wants to comment on the medium, as well as on those of us who have it, and take/enjoy/hate it for what it is.

    You know, sort of a televised version of the stumbling contradiction that is YAWN himself, right?!

    Oh, YAWN, thanks for the unlicensed medical opinion you blurted in regard to having my non-existent doctor up my non-existent Ritalin dosage. I guess you believe that if I add Ritalin to whatever else is running through my bloodstream, perhaps I’ll somehow come to see the now-tired argument starting with “I do not have a tv” as somehow less bullshit.

    Sorry you closeted HD/Tivo/satellite-having batwanger; but, those of us with brains who have encountered your type before are now well-prepared for you useless onslaught of gibberish.

    You claim to not own a tv, because this works for you when trying to pick up 18 year old Cal Arts twinkies you meet in idiot coffeehouses; but, I hate coffee, am no twinkie, and would sooner die than believe that moribund/wannabe hipster beatnik fraud line ever again. It was lame as all shit ten years ago when you first started wearing the beret to cover your bald spot; and now, in 2006, when you actually ask for Lauren Sanchez pictures, it is beyond lame, and just fucking sad.

    YAWN, your last two posts in my direction were pure genius, of the type only those who have avoided television who muster: “Your doctor should up your (in order, everybody!) Quaalude, Ritalin prescription(s), blah blah…”

    Wow, YAWN! Aren’t you the clever social commentator and farceur! Since you are no doubt glued to ESPN or Oxygen or the UPN13 News with Lauren Sanchez right now, lemme save you the time you might hqave wasted on a Phlistine such as me my doing your next few posts aimed in my direction, okay?

    Okay!

    From YAWN (so called, because he is just so advanced that all of what he deems modern ‘trash’ culture just bores him!): “Hey Chris, tell your doctor to up your Valium prescription!”, “Hey Chris Checkman, tell your doctor to up your Xanax dosage”, “Hey, Checkman, ask your doctor to reinvestigate the level of Percodan he is prescribing to you…”, “Hey Chris Checkman, ask your doctor why I am so lame with my drug prescription comebacks, okay?”, “Mr. Checkman, perhaps you need the same clitorectomy I gave myself with a boxcutter in 2003; and ask your doctor to up your Dilaudid regimen….”

    There, YAWN; now you don’t have to waste your time on me and my sorry ass for the next few weeks, which should help you cath up on all the episodes of “American Idol” and “Will and Grace and Lauren Sanchez” you’ve Tivo’d up until now.

    Don’t thank me; just ask your doctor if Valtrex is right for you.

    Nice try, YAWN.

    You couldn’t have picked a better screen name if you tried.

    To Ruth666, thanks for writing back, and the kind words….

    GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!,
    your pal,
    chris checkman

  12. To Ruth666 and Yawn,
    I posted something here just last night (it is now Friday, 2/17, just after 5am), yet it never appeared. I remember, just after clicking on the “post” button, a message coming up saying something about my post being held until it could be read, or some such shit like that.

    To Ruth666, you rock; to Yawn, you’re a visionary, heh heh– but, to both of you I ask, what does any of this mean? Especially since another post was immediately cleared in another forum (Aron’s Records…) earlier in the evening?

    Crazy internet censorship, or just bad keyboard skills after Ive had a few? Whle neither was particularly inflammatory, only one got through. This is the second time.

    Pretty goddamn weird if you ask me….

    chris checkman

  13. ADMISSION OF A BIG MISTAKE HERE!:
    To One And All,
    In recent posts, the lines kind of got blurred; and , as a result, I tarred one poster with the feathers intended for another.

    IT WAS DANO WHO MADE THE DUBIOUS “I do not own a TV” claim and then asked for links to Lauren Sanchez photos– NOT, NOT, NOT!! the other poster, YAWN. Yawn had nothing to do with Dano’s idiot “I do not own a televeision, please send me her picture” argument, as Yawn was wasting his, and everyone else’s, time with his own time-wasting dribblings. So let me now sincerely apologize to both Dano and Yawn, as they deserve it:

    To both of you poseur microcephalics, I am truly sorry. I realize now that each mentally compromised biped with access to the internet is truly an individual unto themselves, and should be treated as such– and the fact that I might’ve been a bit buzzed, and was surely bored nearly to the point of suicide in reading your posts does ot make you one and the same– no matter how much idiocies of different strains and philosophies still cause a functioning brain the same type of headache. You, Dano and YAWN, are both unique; and, as such, deserve unique response:

    To you both, I am genuinely sorry for mistaking one sad carnival act for the other, as I am sure this has caused immeasureable grief with your booking agents,and the family members who still take your calls, few as they may be.

    In allowing this line to be blurred as it has, I have denied you each a very basic human right; and that is the right to be ridiculed individually upon the merits you each, obviously, so richly deserve.

    Mea culpa.

    To Dano: That you, in 2006, still be so defiantly hardcore and old school by attempting to somehow to get ANYONE with a pulse and a brain to believe that you do not own a TV, while posting/reacting to a tv-specific blog, and then asking for pictures!, would be a work of true genius– if it weren’t so idiotic and transparent a manipulative effort to somehow try and make yourself seem higher than the tv masses, while all the time being (oh so secretly) one them/us yourself. You kill me….

    To YAWN: Ahh, you and your “prescription” references have reset the lowbar when it comes to running schtick comedy. You offer only the highest in low-grade, not-a-thought-put-into-it-pie-in-the-face, old timey vaudeville shit, that your mouth should be filled with boiled led, as you are forced to watch Dano admit, under duress, that he can recite from memory, every last plot line of “According To Jim”– and then you should both be frogmarched at gunpoint to see that new Tim Allen “Shaggy Dog” remake (in theaters soon!)….

    In other words, I am sorry.

    YAWN, give Dano a quaalude; and Dano, let YAWN hold the remote for awhile.

    Okay?

    Good.

    your pal,
    chris checkman

  14. ANGELINO PLEASE GET THIS OUT THER STREET RACERS ON JOURUPA AVENUE IN ONTARIO CALIFORNIA PLEASE TELL THEM TO STOP BLOCKING TRAFFIC I GET OUT OF WORK 4 HOURS TO GET TO MY HOUSE AT NIGHT PLEASE PLEASE GET THI OUT THERE

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