freedom, style, sex, power and motion

von dutch energy drink This is the sort of thing that makes me want to move to the woods with nothing more than a fishing pole and a copy of Walden. (Click for larger picture.)

Note the “freedom, style, sex, power and motion” slogan emblazoned near the top. How do I get those things by buying this product? Maybe it has something to do with what’s in the Von Dutch Energy Drink. What’s in it, you ask? No fucking idea, but it’s a “high octane blend of vitamins and natural stimulants”. Oh, and one of its selling points is that the “unique, innovative” 16-ounce can is “twice as big as your average energy drink to give you a turbo-boost of energy, stamina, and mental-alertness.” Whoo.

The press release offers the real story:

With rapid worldwide growth and the continual expansion of its consumer base, consisting of young, hip trendsetters, whose ages range from late teens to mid-thirties, Von Dutch Originals is poised to make an impact on the energy beverage category. The 16oz can, along with bold artwork and a proven moniker, will undoubtedly help the Von Dutch Energy Drink to stand out on retail shelves.

And by “trendsetters” we mean “crazy people with more money than sense who will buy freakin’ anything with our logo, thus proclaiming their individuality just like everybody else.” In other words, the Uggs of the energy drink market.

2 Replies to “freedom, style, sex, power and motion”

  1. The energy drink market is overloaded! Take a look at the shelf the next time you are at Albertson’s or Von’s. This is a hot market for companies but jeez, Von Dutch? What’s next, McDonald’s Big Mac mealdeal with a can of liquid speed?

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