Gutterball etiquette (rant)

Once and for all, fellow drivers:

1. If you elect to jump into the right-hand lane (or, in case of impending lane-closure, the left-hand lane) with the intention of blowing past the rest of us patiently waiting in line, you should do so in a way that (a) does not compromise anyone else’s safety and (b) does not impede what would be our normal flow. In other words, if you’re in a high-end sports car and want to test your 0 to xxx speed, knock yourself out. If you’re a lame asshat in a Honda Civic, seriously consider staying put.

2. If you are a lame asshat and blow your advanced maneuver, sit it out on the sidelines and quietly meditate on your asshat-ness in your Honda Civic. Do not cause me to slam on my brakes and definitely do not flip me off and call me a beeyotch to cover up your embarrassment over being a rude, subpar driver in a losermobile*.

BONUS-EXTRA RULE:

3. If everyone else is stopped in mid-left-hand turn and your view is obscured by a city bus, do NOT jump into the other turn lane and hit the gas because there may in fact be a legitimate reason the rest of us are stopped, like the 85-year-old lady trying to cross Wilshire with nothing to help her but a cane and blind faith in her fellow man.

Asshat.

*For the record, I drive a 2004 Toyota Corolla, which would definitely fall under the category of “losermobile”. I love my car, though, and I work within the limitations of its accelerating power.

2 Replies to “Gutterball etiquette (rant)”

  1. I was hoping someone would make a driving-related post today so that I could post this very frightening tidbit. At around 10:15 this morning, I was heading west on Fountain when a midsized black SUV (didn’t catch the make/model) came plowing through traffic going the WRONG WAY, causing all of the westbound traffic to swerve and slam on our brakes. There was no traffic in the eastbound lane, so the only possible reason I can think of for this person to drive the wrong way through heavy traffic at what must have been around 30 MPH is that h/she was either high, asleep at the wheel, or a homicidal maniac. In my rearview mirror, I saw the SUV plow head-on into another driver and then take off around a corner, heading south. Very scary stuff. I didn’t stop because several of the cars behind me who were in the vicinity of the accident had already stopped, but it looked like the car that was hit managed to pull over, so I’m hoping the driver was okay. If I recall correctly, this occurred just west of Fairfax on Fountain. Does anyone else by any chance have any info about this?

  2. holy crap erin! that’s my commute every morning, albeit 30-40 minutes prior to you. i’d be interesting in knowing what happened to the asshat (and their victim) as well.

    but i would rather people just not try to cut ahead in mergers like that. period. cutting in line isn’t acceptable at the supermarket, at the atm, or anywhere else in society so why is it acceptable on our roads? just being able to afford a faster car doesn’t justify being an ass. or maybe that’s just my low horsepower losermobile talking.

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