L.A. Drivers…

Here’s an amusing list of L.A. drivers:

Kinds of car drivers in LA
OK I’m bored and well, I know I’ll get flamed for this so bring it on…

There are many kinds of drivers flooding the streets. Most kinds are so ordinary you probably don’t notice them but there are some that stand out or are just plain scary to be around:

The badass teen: Usually characterized by spiky hair, bright eyes and extremely touchy control of their car. Can be seen slamming on brakes at red lights and squeeling front tires at the green ones. If he survives a year of driving his chances of making 20 increase dramatically. (every boy with nuts has been this person)

The granny: Purple hair the shape of a mushroom cloud and a neck that cranks towards the windshield. She’s often seeing the road through the steering wheel, not above it. Drives 25 mph in 25mph zones. Drives 25mph in 65mph zones.

More after the jump.

Riceboy 1: Oh my fucking favorite. You know, Acura Integra, lots of stickers, giant wing that adds weight and drag to a car that doesn’t need either. I used to race these fuckers starting in 2nd gear just to mess with ’em. Pretty sure they actually put rice in the fuel tank although I can’t confirm. Usually has Asian girl passenger who doesn’t speak English.

Riceboy 2: These are the scary ones. See they may have the same Integra with stickers but they won’t have the wing. The stickers are from parts they actually have. The car is fast, for real. See these guys actually have a clue – instead of adding weight they take it out – seats, a/c, stereo etc. They HATE Riceboy #1 with a passion.

Greaser: No don’t get all freaky on me I’m not spewing Mexican verbiage (although it will come later). I’m talking 1955 Chevy in shit condition complete with Dice. Driver ALWAYS has arm out the window showing off tats and slicked back hair. Too cool for me.

Redneck: Driving a muscle car but never the cool ones. These guys have the El Caminos and Chevelles. Big fucking engine is all they care about. Occasionally I would be mistaken for these guys when I had my Camaro.

BMW: OK look I have a love/hate relationship with these fucktards. They usually drive fast, weave in and out of traffic but KNOW what they’re doing. They enjoy driving. Having said that they’re also 90% assholes, blocking traffic, double parking for no reason etc.

Mercedes: See BMW but add 20 years to driver and subtract driving ability.

Hummer: Dude, seriously. They have penis enlargement procedures and obviously you can afford it.

SUV mom/trophy wife: Driving those mini BMW suvs. 40 years old, already on 2nd face lift. Tons of makeup. No personality. Loves to shop. Quit talking about your kid, we don’t care.

Hipster driving old cop car: WTF? I see these old cop cars everywhere with the exterior surveilence light and you can make out where they took small town cop logo off the door. They love to drive fast and tailgate people who think they’re real cops.

Anyone male driving a VW: You’re gay and/or ghey.

Anyone female driving a VW: You’re hot but stupid and squeak when you talk. You probably grew up in OC.

69 Camaro, 70 mustang, Cuda etc.: You rock. You’re driving a classic which you made look even better by getting nice wheels and a new paint job. You’re car is not stock but you’re not a gear head. Cops pull you over and just want to see what’s under the hood, then let you go because they mistake you for a redneck.

Homie: Rollin’ with the Escalade on 26″ spinners. Eight 15″ subs. 90% tint. Just cruisin’ like a fool. Not too annoying but has to deal with getting pulled over 3 times on the way to the grocery store for DWB.

Mexicanized 73 Toyota Carolla: Oh comon’ you’ve seen these. Green with extra chrome stuck in various places. Has cheap ass bling wheels that just don’t work. Evar. Listening to Mexican Polka from his center mounted mono speaker. Window is ALWAYS open. Fortunately you can just roll yours up and avoid looking over. Likely illegal so always drives exact speed limit. Actually quite courteous.

Asian girl/any old asian: Can be seen in any of the China Towns, Korea towns, Japan town across america. The rumors are true folks. For the most part they just sort of drift from lane to lane, pull into traffic without looking and stare STRAIGHT AHEAD. ALWAYS. The radar should go up when driving around these.

7 thoughts on “L.A. Drivers…”

  1. How could you possibly forget-
    The Multitasker: Able to do make-up in rear mirror, read a book, talk to your agent on the phone, eat a low carb muffin, while sipping from their low-fat no sugar double shot soy mocha latte all at once. Please note that driving was not one of the skills listed.

  2. “Anyone male driving a VW: You’re gay and/or ghey.”

    Okay, I’m about to show my ignorance here, but I need to know…what is “ghey?” I’m usually pretty hip to these sorts of things, but I just don’t get it.

  3. I never like to assume that someone is “illegal” (and i hate the label too), but you forgot the main flag on this driver’s car – the gynormous letters across the back of the corolla / previa / sentra / crx: “JESUS ES EL DIO LEA LOS BIBLIOS”

    I drive fast – very fast – and people tend to dislike this quite a bit, but i think they’re jealous (because I also drive well). I’m probably half of these cliched people but hate the characteristics. I’m the mexican spikey-haired psuedo hipster post-teenager driving fast and piercing traffic, I always have my windows down, blasting music you DO NOT want to listen to and drive various different cars – 1981 El Camino (favs), Jacked up Bronco, homo Altima… and a few others. Cheers mate!

    I drive about three thousand miles a month – I hate everyone and all of their idiosyncrasies – one that sticks out as being very much an l.a. thing is shared by macho mexican guys in shitty cars and old jewish women in euro-trash: The blind spot. You want to change lanes, but this asshole refuses to allow you in front of him / her. It challenges their authority, and no matter what, they will remain directly aligned with your gas cap for miles. If you slow down, they slow down – if you try to speed up and pierce, they gas it and try to cause a wreck. Also the people who, when there are five lanes of open freeway insist on cruising in you blind spot. I HATE these people a lot…

  4. I know what you mean, Sean. I think I drive a little like you too ;)

    Couple of things:

    I get the willies every time I see a motorcyclist sitting on the right rear fender of a car on the freeway – it happens more than you think. They don’t know how the driver has no possible chance of seeing them, even if they are a good driver! They’re sitting right behind the “C” pillar (I ride too, so I’ve been able to see for myself.)

    It amazes me that so many people in this city trust a complete stranger so much that they feel OK travelling at 80+ mph only a few inches away from each other!

    Don’t know ’bout you, but I don’t want to put my life in the hands of a stranger, so I never like to have a car right next to me unless I have no other place to go.

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