So every now and then I’ll have someone madly and impatiently tailgating me on the freeway, and it’s in those rare moments of being harassed by such an ass-clown that I take pride in the way that I tell her/him to fuck off: I turn on my windshield wiper jets and leave them on for several seconds.

At the speed with which I’m usually travelling, much of the resulting spray flies directly over my car and goes directly into the ass-clown trailing me. I then look on with absolute glee as the offensive driver then turns on her/his windshield wipers in annoyance. And if s/he is driving a car that’s been freshly washed, well even better! Serves her/him right for being such an idiot.

I don’t know if a friend of mine was joking when he wrote that when he’s been caught in those circumstances, he usually tosses a few peanut M&Ms out of his sunroof and that usually does the trick. Talk about inventive, not to mention obnoxious!

8 thoughts on “Tailgaters”

  1. I love these guys, what I usually do is slow w a y down and pretend I have no idea they are there, even better if you can get next to another r e a l l y s l o w car and box the fucker in. If you watch in the rearview you can actually see steam coming out of their ears…

  2. i’ve done the slow down and box them in also sean. my absolute favorite is the tap the brakes. it fucking scares the hell out of people, they shit their pants and get really pissed. of course they usually slam their brakes and it could cause a major accident but thats their problem not mine.

    i should try the washer thing, much safer!

  3. Several years ago, a punk-ass kid unexpectedly threw a glass bottle out of his sunroof at us (and my friend wasn’t tailgating him at all) while we were on the 405 South going through the Sepulveda Pass.

    Thankfully, the bottle ricocheted harmlessly off his windshield (making a rather loud sound in the process), but we were *pissed* to the point where my friend considered pursuing him, but he let him go. Fucking kids. :P

  4. Eggs would be nice, if there was a way to store them in one’s car. Though I suppose that qualifies as Reckless Endagerment. How about a handful of wet Gummi Bears?

    A friend of mine used to do the slow-down-and-box-in thing, sort of. He’d slow down until the guy changes lanes, then speed up so the guy gets blocked by another car in his lane and can’t pass my friend. Then he’d slow down again…

  5. Why don’t y’all just move over? That way everyone will be happy. The tailgater will be happy because you got the hell out of his way, and you’ll be happy because he won’t be back there anymore.

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