Whole Lotta Lube

ezlube.jpgCan I just tell you how proud I am that this EZ Lube has been installed near the intersection of Fountain Avenue and Sunset Boulevard? I mean, not only is the structure architecturally stunning, but its occupant is providing an invaluable service in making it that much more convenient for community SUVers to keep their road-hogging monstrosities guzzling along ó a service, prior to its star-studded grand opening several weeks ago, that was only available a full and torturous half-mile east at the Sunset Junction Jiffy Lube.

Prayers have been answered, let me tell you! Prior to its arrival I had to go a whole two blocks (and uphill!) from my apartment to get to the SunJun J-Lu. True to their name and corporate mission statement, this state-of-the-art EZ Lube has now made maintaining my vehicle that much more EZer by taking almost a full block off my oil-change commute (and with no change in elevation ó no more nose bleeds!). Over the course of a year that will translate into a gas savings of almost 45 cents (maybe even more if prices continue to climb). Cha-ching!

But this EZ Lube is more than just another way for us to maintain our addiction to oil. It stands proudly as magnificent testament to the fact that when those rare opportunities for neighborhood beautification or cultural enrichment raise their disgusting heads ó like a proposal perhaps for some of that gawd-awful green space or maybe a (gad!) free-speech zone, or something more morally and culturally acceptable like another (cough)… Starbucks? ó we disenfranchised citizens of Gloss Angeles still have the power to rise up and bow down before the corporate steamrollers (and the civic leaders that drive them) like so many obedient dawgs.

Woof!

6 Replies to “Whole Lotta Lube”

  1. dude, it’s not like that intersection wasn’t ugly already… that jiffy lube needed some competition. they gave me an oil leak the only time i went there.

  2. Will, you neglected to mention the architecture is there to rival the beautiously renovated (read razed and rebuilt) MickeyDees.

  3. Right you are, Cybele. I was saving mention of McD’s phoenix-like resurrection for after they officially reopened. The essay is tentatively titled: “Does A Supersized McDonald’s Without A Supersized Menu Make Any Sound?” That or maybe “The Passion of the Big Mac.”

    You’ll pardon me now. I have to “address” the first commentator whose rebuttal I am myself powerless to avoid rebutting.

    (Clearing Throat, cracking knuckles, assuming a four-point stance)

    So “Slappin,” you’ve elected to have a slap at me? Diggin’ that. Ever so.

    You scribed: “dude, it’s not like that intersection wasn’t ugly already… that jiffy lube needed some competition. they gave me an oil leak the only time i went there.”

    First off… there’s something to be said for capitalization of words and shit, but since you might not be in a position to retain it I’ll spare myself the tedious drag of ‘splaining it to ya. Second, may I call you Slappy? Great. ‘Preesheeate it. I’m all for informalities. Third, I love that my satire (sah – tie – ur) cleared your head by a good foot. Usually if it flies at all, it sails over heads at best by a few inches. Never a foot. New record. Guiness Book and everything.

    I know, I know… one person’s satire is another person’s total inability to get it. But hey, can’t blame me for trying, right? Nevermind. You will find a way to. To blame me. To blame me for trying. Keep up. Or do I have to slow down?

    Anyway, back on topic: You are so blindingly and absolutely right: once a place is hideous there’s just no turning back, so why not just make it hideouser.

    And dang, as much as I want to I can’t blame you for holding a grudge against Jiffy Lube. If they gave you a leak imagine what could’ve happened if they’d worked on your vehicle! Have you been able to stop your seepage yet? Is it oozing out of a specific orifice or just generally coming out of your pores? Does it smell? Or am I getting too personal? Sorry. I’m just naturally inquisitive and interested in the world at large. Try it sometime.

    Ultimately I guess I can’t blame you for embracing such overkill close-quarter competition within such a blight industry. In fact, it’s a dang shame EZ Lube couldn’t raze 4100 Bar and build right next door.

    Thanks for playing.

    Tomorrow’s lesson will be: “Missing The Point And How Not To.” Bring a pencil for yourself and two percodan for me. It’s bound to be painful.

  4. will:

    1. ask your humble host jason what my name really is. no i don’t like slappy. stick to slappin. maybe i do leak oil, i haven’t noticed, ask him that too. teasing me about the size of my ears was pretty popular when i was eight, feel free to jump on that a bit. the personal attack is shallow and “missing the point.” though your vitriol is great, keep it coming, i can take it.

    2. not that i didn’t get your satire either time, i just didn’t think it was particularly funny. either time. THAT, was a mild slap. i agreed with your idea basically, it is ugly. so is that deserted motel down the street. you still have some hope for a more socially redeeming community venue. i’m just not so up in arms as a long time “eastsider.” (haven’t seen that whole bit discussed here in at least a week) you’re right, something cooler like a new tiki-ti would have been a much better use.

    damn, if i can wind you up with something so innocuous, i’ll be sure to stop by more often…

  5. Hey there Slappin,

    Diggin’ the measured response. Ran here into the comment room looking to ramp it up and instead you done took the wind all out of my sails and made me feel like the overaged punk I am.

    TouchÈ!

    Will look forward to future visits and being wound up by you at your convenience and leisure (and I’ll keep the personal stuff to a minimum).

    Promise also I’ll never tease you ’bout the size of your ears or any other body parts, ‘cuz I have too many of my own parts that can be ridiculed even worse.

    But I’m gonna pass on your invite to hit up Jason to find out the user behind your username. I get the Upstairs/Downstairs hint that such a name-drop implies.

    Way I figure it, if you ever want me know your nom du monde, you’ll lay it on me. Til then I’ll work on wading out of my shallowness, and perhaps I’ll see you at Tiki’s some day ó vitriol shooters on me.

    Best,
    Will

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