My Car Makes Me Nice

cybeleprius.jpgI have a Prius. It’s a nice car, but it has an agenda. It’s trying to turn me into a nice person. Really.

The car has this onboard computer and screen that compels me to drive curteously. Sure, cut in front of me, no biggie, my breaking just regenerated 12KwH. I’ll just smile and thank you.

Sit at a stop light Ö no biggie. The Prius’ engine will cycle off, so I’m not burning any fuel. Really.

You can’t piss me off. My car is giving me biofeedback that reinforces calm driving.

The freeway comes to a complete stop? Slow and go for miles? Not an issue for me, my mileage goes from 50 MPG to 58 MPG!

What’s more, my car is now forcing me to pick people up on the street to share the joy. It’s true. I drive down my street and I see my neighbor on her way to the bus stop and I pick her up. Sure, it’s two miles out of my way (and my commute is only four miles), but I’m happy to do it, because the car’s mileage will improve! My neighbor said, “You know, you don’t have to pick me up every time you see me walking down the street.”

“No, neighbor, I do,” I say. “The car makes me.”

Don’t worry, my BorgPrius will not assimilate me. It might make me act nice, we but all know I’m not.

3 Replies to “My Car Makes Me Nice”

  1. I am jealous. My Prius isn’t due to arrive until early June.

    Until then, I yearn for the Bluetooth for my cell phone so I can get rid of the earphone.

  2. It’s a relief to know that actually having a Prius makes you into a good person, because waiting the past two and a half months (and still waiting) has made me start giving the evil eye to people driving down the street in their shiny new Priuses.

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