Mavis and I wandered around The Grove and ended up inside Barnes and Noble for hours the other day. Time flies in a bookstore and apparently, I was MIA for a half hour. Came across that old little gem, The Hipster Handbook. When Mavis finally located me transfixed and laughing out loud, we spent another 15 minutes trying to decide if we didn’t hate all the hipster wanna-bes, which hipster weíd be.
ìI wanna be the UTF,î I said. Unemployed trust fund hipster, for all of you not cool enough to know the lingo. Angst ridden, rich and tragically hip.
Mavis was all about being a ìlaptopper.î Sounds kinky I know, but shut it you pervs. Itís just a Beatlesís-haircut-wearing-coffee-house-dwelling-type who has a flashy laptop in tow. An iBook, of course.
On our way out of The Grove I bought a cheap pair of hipsteresque sunglasses with pocket change. The woman at the kiosk wasn’t happy to count the coins but I figured she’d appreciate having the change later. I vowed not to take the new sunglasses off when we eventually went indoors, no matter how blind I became.
Later at my local Central Perk, I sat down with the latest Vanity Fair while Mavis pulled from her computer bag a spiral notebook and some stapled stacks of paper. She grimaced as she dropped them on the table, still wet with some other slobís coffee rings.
ìYouíre a papertopperî
ìNo, no ñ itís my laptop. Itís just incredibly light. Here feel itÖî
ìOh, be careful, I donít want to break your papertopî
ìNo worries. Itís deck. I got the lifetime guaranteeî
ìSeriously ñ this must have put you back a pretty pennyî
ìYeah, but itís state of the art. I can even write on itî
ìHowís the battery life on that?î
ìAmazing. Is that the latest color in papertops — luminescent white? I heard itís impossible to find.î
ìK, it was hard for me to tell if it was white. I am still wearing my sunglasses, after allî
ìHowís that going?î
ìNot so good. Iím not feeling itî
ìYou gotta own it, girlî
ìMaybe I should try to be one of those angry art hipsters, insteadî
ìSo then youíd have to carry around a sketchbook instead of your laptop.î
ìBut I can’t draw very well and Iím not that angryî
ìYou will be when I become a foster parent for your laptop and you have no visitation rightsî
But sheís correct. You canít be a UTF without a trust fund, nor can an angry art girl carry a laptop instead of a huge canvas. And a laptopper must have an actual laptop computer. A papertop just won’t suffice.