Dear La Jolla, California:

Hi, my name is Jessica and I would just like to make a few friendly suggestions.

LEARN TO DRIVE, YOU PIECE OF CRAP. Please don’t slow to 1.2 mph when making right turns. It’s green. That means you can go. It really throws off us motorists awaiting the chance to make unprotected left turns across from you. Don’t dodge into the front of my car at the last minute without signaling because you forgot to get in the proper lane. Not that signaling would excuse you from making me brake like a maniac while swerving to avoid being hit, but you know, it’d be nice.

Well, I guess that was really just one suggestion, but your Thai food also made me kinda sick. I don’t hate you because I got to see sea lions up close on your beach, but your residents are ridiculously preppie-pop-punk so that makes me want to vomit on your metaphorical face. I will be returning in two weeks, so I hope that you will take these suggestions into consideration and make it snappy. I appreciate your time, thank you.

Until next time,
Jessica Gao

6 thoughts on “MINI ROAD TRIP”

  1. well that is why we won’t have an earthquake, someone predicted it. oh yeah and for those not in california, i would rather be here. more people are killed by tornados falling on them than earthquake, did i forget to mention floods, hurri- whatevers and simply slipping on ice.

  2. Dear Jessica Gao:

    Thank you for your kind letter dated January 19, 2004. I always like to hear from people who have come to visit me, as most of them are too rude to send a thank you note and I never hear from again. In regards to the friendly suggestions you mentioned in your letter, I’ve read them very carefully and decided that you can go screw yourself. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the feedback, it’s that, well, I just don’t give a rat’s ass what you think. My residents and I are doing just fine on our own with some Mrs. Bossy-pants coming in and telling us how to do things. We like our last minute turns and quite frankly, you should be glad we no longer stop the car, get out, and push it by hand around the corners. So there.

    Anyway, it was lovely to hear from you and when you come back in a few weeks please feel free to leave that attitude at home. Instead, please try to bring Sean Bonner with you, we hear he really brightens up a town.

    Thanks again!
    La Jolla

  3. Sucks for you, I think the La Jolla area is one of the more enjoyable beach enclaves in SoCal. Laguna and Corona del Mar are in that category too.

  4. Dear La Jolla,

    Mr. Bossy-pants and I would like to clarify that we are not married, just life partners.


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