Your move, @villaraigosa.

A few years back, I proposed the Metro Flyline – a rail network from Union Station to every airport in the region. It was kind of a joke, in that not many people need to hop a train from Downtown Los Angeles to fly their personal jet out of Van Nuys Airport. But what about a line that did service the major transportation hubs in the region? A high speed TRIANGLE, connecting LAX, Bob Hope in Burbank and Union Station.

Put it all underground. Run the whole thing elevated. Tunnel through every living room in Beverly Hills.

I don’t know where the money would come from. I don’t know ridership numbers. I don’t know environmental impact blahbitty blah. What I do know, is that people would use it. Isn’t that what mass transit is for?

The point here is that it’s time for Los Angeles to start thinking big again. No matter how far-fetched and ridiculous it may seem. Let other cities celebrate highway widenings and Target openings. We’re better than that.

Maybe someday, we’ll have a mayor that won’t mind rolling up his sleeves and putting in a solid 8 hours of work.

All Kinds of Crazy on Sale

Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?
Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

While it doesn’t answer the question the question why he’s wearing it, now we know where Donnie Darko may have got his stupid man suit.

Korea Town, Western and 3rd.

I’m not sure it’s very convincing, though.

(Pic taken w/my phone.)

Next week, we’ll talk about purchasing tickets. Mainly, that if you want to ride, you’ll need a ticket. And that you have to purchase a ticket at a ticket machine that sells tickets. Ticket.

If Metro gets its way, you may soon be playing @foursquare deep in the bowels of the L.A. subway.

The Source is reporting that the agency is moving forward on the development of a request for proposal that will be sent out to private firms to outline the agency’s requirements.

I cannot wait until the day when I can tweet about meth-induced stupidity on the Red Line.

Those of you who ride the Metro are surely familiar with the rules they announce over the PA on regular intervals – don’t place your feet on the seats, no eating, drinking or smoking allowed. In fact, for the latter three, you could apparently be fined up to $250, that is if there were Metro officials who actually enforced these rules. However, since I do not have the authority to fine individuals like this, nor do I think it’s a good idea to confront strangers on public transportation, I will do the one thing I am comfortable with. That is, mocking jerks like this in a public forum in the hopes of shaming people in general into being considerate. I’ll let you know how that all works out.

Public Eyebrow Groomer as seen on a Metro Bus

Since I began my adventures in public transportation earlier this year, I have seen a lot of rude, inappropriate and often strange behavior from my fellow carbon-based life forms. I have seen people carelessly put their shoes on bus seats.  I have seen someone leave a half-eaten sandwich on the floor of the train. I have seen a perfectly nice looking middle-aged woman forcibly push her way to the front of a line of people boarding a bus, just to be the first one on. I have shared personal space with people emitting body odors that would make a mortician gag. Yes my friends, I have been to hell and back and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

While annoying, I have grown to accept many of these acts of humanness as part of the deal when taking public transportation. Still, when I see something like today’s featured Metro rider, I can’t help but make a public mockery of it.

Today, while making my connection to the Metro Red Line, I sat across from this girl who was plucking her eyebrows. Maybe some of you think this is OK, but let me tell you, YOU ARE WRONG. Some personal grooming is acceptable on public transportation I would say. Like powdering your nose or putting on lipstick. However, anything involving body hair is an absolute disgusting DON’T. You wouldn’t shave your armpits on the bus, would you? Would she? I don’t know. Fortunately, I made my connection before I had to find out.

The Untidy Germaphobe

Today in LA fashion I bring you the “Untidy Germaphobe,” as spotted on the Metro Red Line to Union Station. Yeah, yeah, I know. Criticizing fashion on the Metro is too easy, but I go with what I know.

When I first saw the “Untidy Germaphobe” sitting across from me on the train, I only noticed his surgical mask.

“He must be wearing that because of the poor air quality due to the Station Fire,” I thought to myself, smirking arrogantly at my own reflection in my iPod.

Then my eyes moved down to his hands, which were tautly sheathed in blue latex gloves, perfectly color coordinated to match his jaunty mask.

“Hmm. Germaphobe,” I nodded, feeling quite satisfied that I had him all figured out.

Glancing over one more time, I took in the rest of his ensemble, which continued to vex me for at least three more minutes, or however long it takes to get from Hollywood & Highland to Sunset & Vermont.  The gloves and the mask seemed to match a Mysophobic personality disorder sure, but what the hell was going on with the rest of his scene? First of all, his clothes and boots were visibly filthy. Not approved Germaphobe attire. Second, he smelled like he had not showered in quite some time. Definitely the type of violation that could get you kicked out of Germaphobe Camp.

Taking all of the above into consideration, I finally narrowed this guy down to one of three stereotypes, placing the most weight of course on his peculiar outfit (who wears a snow hat in LA during a heat wave?):

1. Recently discharged Vietnam War veteran

2. Construction worker from the 1950′s

3. Anti-government militia soldier

I can’t decide which one, so I’m leaving it up to you fine readers to decide. What’s this dude’s deal? Feel free to offer your own guess.

Photo courtesy of Metro Library and Archive.

U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood announced today that the Metro Gold Line will receive $66.7 million in funds from the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009. The funds will be used for the Metro Gold Line Eastside Light Rail Extension.

“By getting these funds to the Los Angeles County Metropolitan Transportation Authority now, we’re providing a boost that will help this project keep moving forward while jump-starting the economy and putting people back to work,” Secretary LaHood said.

The East Side Extension is six miles of track that will connect the Gold Line at Union Station through Little Tokyo, Boyle Heights, and end in East Los Angeles at the intersection of Atlantic & Pomona Boulevards.

It is worth noting that today’s announcement doesn’t really mean any more money for the Gold Line. In 2004, the Feds agreed to provide $490.7 million of the $898.8 million total project cost. This was to be paid in annual increments through 2010.  The ARRA grant announced today doesn’t increase the federal commitment to the project; it just expedites funds already promised.

While Secretary LaHood was happy to announce the advance on our allowance, he did not mention a specific preference for what the Eastside Extension should be called.

Photo by Me!

Today over at LAist, Zach tells of LASD teaming with DHS and ramping up random bag checks on L.A.’s metro rail lines. Apparently this practice started nine months ago, but due to an influx of federal funding, the program will be increasing in frequency.

I have nothing factual to add to this story, but I certainly have an opinion. That opinion is, “God. dammit!” Now a Metro system that was already of limited usefulness to me just became a little less palatable.

I am so f’ing tired of bag checks, taking off my shoes at the airport, cavity searches at the car wash…wait. Everyone else gets those too, right? Just me? Gotta stop asking for the “Deluxe Wash.”

Seriously, though, I don’t think I’m overreacting here. In case you hadn’t noticed, the terrorists have won. A terrorist’s objective is not to kill a few people; it is to cause terror among the masses. They have achieved their goal. They have caused us to abandon life as we knew it, and allow ourselves and our actions to be governed by fear. There are far too many people who are far too comfortable with the idea of opening up their bags anytime someone with a badge asks, in the name of “security.” That oft-used quote by Ben Franklin is true; those willing to give up liberty for security deserve neither.

What about it, Los Angeles? Are you as tired of this as I am? Or, am I way off base? Are you more than happy to submit to strip searches, as long as it means imagined back-pack bombs don’t get on the train with you? Here’s your chance to sound off.

(As an aside, I think it’s ironic that if you click on that DHS link above you’ll go to the Department of Homeland Security’s homepage, which features the tag line “Preserving Our Freedoms, Protecting America.” Italics mine.)

It isn’t always clear or convenient to TAP in when transferring from one line to the next.  At first, I figured it didn’t matter because I had paid for the entire week.  But I soon discovered by reading other people’s blogs about the whole system that the Metro can fine a rider for evasion of paying the fare if they fail to TAP in during a leg of their journey.  There’s a massive disconnect for me there.  How am I evading paying a fare when I’ve paid for the entire week?  It makes no sense.

The next bit of frustration I experienced was when I tried to register my TAP card so I could refill it via the internet.  I had already set up an account on a previous date.  But when I went to register my card, I couldn’t get it to work with that account.  Further, it seems that only monthly pass refills are available online.  As a fully jacked in participant of the digital world who relies upon the internet to function in many ways, being able to do such transactions would be ideal.  Yes, I understand that we can do it at any Metro station or the stores where the TAP cards are purchased but being able to fill my card on a Sunday night before a crazy week is far more convenient.

I think the TAP card has potential.  I still like it better than having tons of little pieces of paper filling my purse and pockets every week.

Overall, I’m starting to understand how illogical the entire Metro system is after listening to my New York City boyfriend talk about his experience in Gotham.  There is simply no way to cheat on fares without putting in some serious effort.  Everything is laid out in a practical, obvious fashion.  But many things in Los Angeles suffer from flash and style over substance.  It’s just how we do things here.  Unfortunately, in the case of public transportation, it doesn’t serve us well.