TMZ reports that Paris Hilton was moved from her tiny jail cell into her 4000 square foot home to complete her sentence due to a “medical condition.”

Reporters hammered away about Paris’ medical condition during a press conference in front of the jail, where she was released early this morning, but Whitmore said that due to confidentiality laws, he could not discuss even the slightest health-related details.

In a related story, “rich, white celebrity” is now known as a medical condition.

I’m sure that everyone else in Los Angeles County will be happy to know that our legal system is equally applied to everyone, without regard to race, sex, or class.

I just saw this on Fark:

A twin-engine plane lost power and slammed into homes Monday while approaching a small airport for landing.

The Piper Seneca, with two people on board, was approaching Cable Airport when it lost power and crashed into three homes on Blossom Circle, said Ian Gregor, spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration.

“We do have injuries,” Gregor said.

There’s not a whole lot of more information at the moment, but I’m sure our local newsdrones will be all over this, giving us a welcome break from today’s wall-to-wall Paris Hilton coverage.

While other cities in our once-great nation can claim their own proud contributions to our culture, only Los Angeles can point at some of the greatest musical acts of all time and say, “Yeah, those are my boys and girls there.”

The Doors, X, and Guns and Roses are a few that are frequently featured in specials on VH1 Classic, but one of our most magnificent treasures, and one of my favorite bands of all time rarely gets even a mention: Oingo Boingo.
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This is, quite possibly, the saddest day of the year for me, because Reggie the Alligator has been caught. Enjoy this gramatically-challenged report from our friends at CBS News:

Rangers had noticed twice in the last two weeks that Reggie had come up on the lake’s grassy area, so they set up a trap baited with chicken. On Thursday, they noticed Reggie crawling up and taking the bait, activating the trap door and caught him in a fenced-in 300-square-foot area.

Reggie was driven by Al Cowlings to the LA Zoo this afternoon, where he’ll spend the rest of his days playing golf tracking down the real killers.

This is how GATORWATCH!!11 ends,
This is how ends GATORWATCH!!11 ends,
This is how ends GATORWATCH!!11 ends,
Not with a bang, but a whimper.

Good night, Reggie, and good luck.

According to a post a few minutes ago on The Los Angeles Times Breaking News Blog, the 20 year-old man detained overnight as a person of interest in the Griffith Park fire is no longer a suspect.

The man had reportedly been smoking a cigarette or using matches when the fire broke out. He is being treated treated for burns at a San Fernando Valley burn facility. Los Angeles Fire and police officials continue to try and determine how the fire started, whether it was deliberately set or accidental.

Last night, I watched some coverage on television, and I was a little annoyed at how hard one reporter was trying to get the LAFD spokesman to call the fire arson (the Mayor clearly said in his 11 pm press conference that is it not) or commit to other details on the mystery man who wandered out of the blazing brush shortly around the time the fire started yesterday, when it was obviously way too early to make any definitive statements in that regard. It was sort of like this:

Reporter: So, is this arson?
Fireman: We’re not sure.
Reporter: Hmmm-mmm. So arson, then?
Fireman: It’s too early to tell. We’re just trying our best to fight the fire and save homes.
Reporter: Do you have any more information on that dude who came out of the canyon?
Fireman: He’s being treated for burns and interviewed. It’s too early to say anything more than that.
Reporter: Did he do the arson?
Fireman: I’m going to cockpunch you now.

I think it’s respectable and responsible for city officials to stay away from the type of sensationalized statements the media so obviously wants them to make, at least until they are absolutely sure about the facts.

The times says that at least 600 acres have burned, no homes have been damaged destroyed, and the fire is 40% contained, which is pretty good news, since the humidity is expected to drop again today, and the temperatures are expected to be in the 90s.

If it’s May, it must be warming up in our fair city, so everyone’s favorite elusive alligator has woken up from his long little gatornap, and resurfaced in the waters of Lake Machado after an extended absence:

“After 18 months of hibernation or just eluding us, Reggie has decided to show himself,” City Councilwoman Janice Hahn told a press conference next to Harbor Regional Park’s Lake Machado.

Hahn said she had asked the Parks and Recreation Department to put a fence back up around the lake.

“Reggie is older, Reggie is bigger, and he’s probably hungry, so I want to make sure that we keep the public safe,” she said. “He’s a wild alligator and he’s unpredictable and we’re not really sure what his behavior will be.”

Damn right, Janice. Reggie was all, “Yo! Councilwoman! I’M IN UR LAKE, EATIN UR TOURIZTS! GIVE ME A DAMN FENCE, WOMAN!”

Please note that blogging.la does not recommend speaking to Councilwoman Hahn in this manner, unless you’re a giant fucking alligator.

Reggie slept through the tragic death of Steve Irwin, who had pledged to coax Reggie out of the lake and onto the Discovery Channel in 2005, so it looks like Reggie will be king of the lake for a little while longer.

Two douchebags named Marcos A. Zurinaga and Jared M. Villery were recently convicted of a home invasion robbery that took place in 2002. By all accounts, it was a particularly brutal and terrifying ordeal for the victims:

The pair allegedly used samurai sword and a pistol equipped with a silencer to hold the students prisoner while robbing them of cash, mp3 players, videogames and other items.

The evidence against these two shitcocks was overwhelming, but the Los Angeles prosecutor wasn’t content to simply present the facts of his case to the jury. Realizing that facts are for losers and the race card is so 1995, he played “the 9/11″ card.
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We all seem to have a love/hate relationship with the Arclight around here. After seeing this incredible line-up of 21+ screenings next month, I currently love it:

Monday, April 2, 8pm – BILL & TED’s EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (PG) 1989

Monday, April 9, 8pm – THE WARRIORS (R) 1979

Monday, April 16, 8pm – THE GOONIES (PG) 1985

Monday, April 23, 8pm – MONTH PYTHON and the HOLY GRAIL (PG) 1975

The Arclight asked its crew to come up with films they can “watch over and over” and these were the ones that made the cut.

I love every one of these films, and watching them with a couple of drinks in me — plus the required one at my seat, just on principle — is pretty much perfect.

I heard my first urban legend when I was in grade school.

I was on the playground with this kid Bradley, whose father traveled to the East coast a lot. According to Bradley, his father brought back much more than the clap on a recent trip; he also brought a story that was spooky and a little scary, and also kind of cool: in the sewers beneath New York City, there were giant alligators!

“People buy them in Florida,” he told me, “and when they bring them back to New York, they get too big, so people flush them down the toilet. There are so many of them in the sewers, they eat cats and stuff!”

I totally bought it. It seemed so plausible, and if it came from his dad, who was a grown-up and everything, how could it not be true?

Unlike the Gang Initiation myth, which can easily be adapted to any locale, this one would be tough to believe in Los Angeles. We’re not a centralized city like Manhattan, and we don’t vacation in Florida like New Yorkers do, so it’s not like we have easy access to alligators.

But in 2005, rumors began flowing down the Intertubes and on local television and radio news about this very subject. While an army of alligators wasn’t fighting an army of Lizardmen beneath the city streets, there was reportedly a gigantic alligator lurking in Harbor City’s Machado Lake, eager to make a quick snack out of anyone who ventured too close. It even had a name: Reggie.
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Long before the city made the incredibly idiotic decision to give them a ton of free publicity, we’ve had a pretty complex gang situation here in Los Angeles, and though gang violence is generally on the decline recently, there are still an awful lot of Angelenos who have to deal with it daily, one way or another. Depending on where you live, it’s something you either safely see on the news, or rather unsafely see in your neighborhood; either way, gangs are as much a part of our city as traffic and earthquakes, so it sure was scary back in the mid-90s to get a warning by fax or hear from a co-worker that there was a deadly new gang initiation in town, claiming all sorts of innocent lives. It’s so scary, in fact, that the same warning surfaced in 2002, 2004, and again in 2005.

Holy shit! Is anyone safe?
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As a life-long Kings fan (purple and gold, baby! Triple Crown Line FTW!) I’m used to my boys sitting at or near last place. But it absolutely guts me that most of this season they have been sitting at or near last place . . . behind the goddamn Mighty Ducks. In fact, in tonights game against the goddamn Mighty Ducks, the Kings are reduced to being a “spoiler,” because even in the NHL where more teams make the playoffs than actually start the regular season, the Kings suck so hard they don’t have a chance at the post season this year.

But you know what really grinds my gears? DirecTV is carrying the game on an HD sports channel, but it’s blacked out, forcing me to watch it on Fox Sports West in crappy old not-HD. I understand blackout rules, but shouldn’t HD be exempt? Fox Sports West claims that it’s presented in HD, but I know HD when I see it; I’ve watched lots of HD. HD is a friend of mine, and you, Fox Sports West on DirecTV, are no HD broadcast.

I got up with the Sun this morning, and was surprised at how clear and warm and beautiful it already was.

“Ah,” I thought, “this is going to be a beautiful day. I think I’ll finally get my car washed.”

Then I heard on the radio that this is the typical warm air mass which precedes a cold front, and that it’s probably going to get stormy in the next few days, certainly by the end of the week.

So I’m not washing my car, because the last time I did (after letting it go unwashed for two months) it snowed in Malibu the next day.

If you can get outside today, I highly recommend it; it’s going to be an incredibly beautiful day . . . just don’t spend any time at the car wash.

In October, I wrote on my blog:

I stood next to W.C. Fields as I watched Chewbacca take off his head and scream obscenities at Spider Man.

It was just another day in Hollywood.

Today, via Defensetech, I learned that Chewbacca was arrested:

The LAPD says a person dressed as Chewbacca was arrested for head butting a tour guide, who told the character he shouldn’t be asking a tourist for money.

[. . .]

Chewbacca’s colleagues say he’s has been causing trouble and that’s bad for business.

Ever since Elmo was arrested, the balance of power on Hollywood Boulevard has been severely out of whack, and it was just a matter of time before Chewbacca snapped. I understand that the Scream Guy and a couple of Supermans have tried to reach out to Chewie, but they clearly haven’t been able to get through to him. I hope that little tough love and an intervention can get the troubled wookie back on track.

Update: CBS has the story on their website, but without the totally rockin’ video from ABC.

And by the way, if you haven’t watched the video, it’s truly priceless, especially when Elmo points and laughs at Chewie as he’s put into the police cruiser, and George Pennacchio gets serious reaction from the other characters on the street. As my friend said to me last night, there’s a really great sadcore indie documentary in these guys.

As much as I hate ABC, I have to give them a fish biscuit on this one.

If you read my earlier post and thought to yourself, “Damn, Gina! I want to see some of that snow for myself!” KNBC is your new BFF.

They’re currently streaming video of . . . well, a bunch of snow sitting on the ground. It’s kind of like watching grass grow, but instead of grass it’s snow, and instead of growing, it’s just sitting there . . . but, hey, snow in Southern California!

Link to video stream. Probably not safe for people who are easily excitable.

(In all seriousness, the 5 is closed over the grapevine, and there’s a real chance of seriously dangerous snow all over the local mountain roads, so don’t get stupid and try to drive up Angeles Crest so you can check it out, or you may be checking it out from the bottom of the mountain.)

While I’ve actually enjoyed the novelty of this record-breaking cold thing (because I’m not a citrus farmer, I guess) things are getting a little weird and possibly dangerous out there right now, as a combination of rain showers and a cold air mass hang out over Southern California today.

According to the National Weather Service, “A band of light precipitation moving over Los Angeles and eastern Ventura County combined with a shallow cold air mass in place is producing sleet and isolated snow flurries as low as 1500 feet. This includes Highway 126 through Piru…Interstate 5 through Santa Clarita and Newhall…Highway 118 through eastern Simi Valley and the western San Fernando Valley…and all roads through the Santa Monica Mountains. Drivers are urged to use caution. Slow down. Do not make sudden movements on the roadway as roadways could be icy or slushy and you could lose control of your vehicle.”

Since Los Angeles drivers are notoriously horrible already, and even worse when it rains, I shudder to think what it’s going to be like out there today if it actually gets to sleet or snow flurries.