We’ve Got Valentine’s Day Licked: Forplay

I’ve always sort of wondered what the deal was with costume and role-playing fetishes. Here’s the thing: There’s rarely any real spectrum of social equality.

Seriously. One one side, there’s the dominatrices and the angry schoolteachers, and on the other there’s the naughty girl scouts and remarkably accommodating flight attendants. Either your boss is taking off her blazer to punish your tardiness with what must certainly be a violation of some kind of workplace sexual harassment policy, or you’re putting the waitress over your knee for misunderstanding your request for “cream gravy on the side.” The power dynamic is always deliberately tilted.

Yeah, yeah, I know: There’s no fetish that doesn’t exist, everyone has differing tastes, Rule 34, yada yada yada. Whatever. I’m well aware of my limitations; I download a lot of porn, and I’m sure I haven’t seen a millionth of what’s out there. But I digress: Regardless of what your costume fantasies are, Forplay in Hollywood is probably the place for you.

Actually, most of the costumes are in the back of the store, and there’s a bit of a thrift-store feel to going through the racks, as they’re pretty disorganized and many are unlabeled. But a little dedication will reveal pretty much whatever you need. Several were, oddly enough, military-themed, and I found enough fairy tale outfits to make me wonder if there’s a dirty movie where someone in a Snow White costume gets drilled by seven little people in turn. Producers, my email is at the top of the article.

More common are the “theme” outfits, ranging from 60’s hippie to, um, sommelier, which was a little weird. Yes, there’s a sexy sommelier costume. No, I do not know which wine pairs well with pussy.

Other folks who might feel at home at Forplay: Leg and foot fetishists. There’s an absolutely huge selection of thigh-high stockings: Argyle, animal print, neon, nurse-themed, fishnet… the list goes on. And once you come to the end of the stocking selection, the wall drops away and you happen upon the surprisingly generous sexy shoe selection. Seriously: It’s like someone built a Foot Locker with the express purpose of encouraging public boners. I’m not into heels, and even I got a little al dente.

For such a sex-positive place, though, Forplay’s selection of actual sex toys is pretty underwhelming. Locked in a glass counter at the front of the store, it seems almost like an afterthought. It’s mostly a heap of nipple clamps and cock rings with a riding crop sticking out of it. Unlike the rest of the store, it’s pretty unimpressive.

Which isn’t to say the cock rings themselves were unimpressive. Like hula hoops those things were.

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