ALL GONE ALREADY. THANKS!

Did you know that Gogol Bordello is playing in LA next week? That’s right, it’s at Club Nokia downtown and thanks to the exceptional generosity of the folks at Goldenvoice I’ve got some tickets to give away. Maybe to you. Do you think you have what it takes to win them? Well, you have to be a master of Gogol Bordello trivia to get these bad boys. Well, maybe not a master, but very well versed. OK maybe not even very well versed, just semi-familiar. The question is this: What color will you wear when you get old and go crazy?

It’s pretty obvious for anyone who has any knowledge of Gogol Bordello tunage. What isn’t so obvious is how to submit your answer. You *could* post it in the comments, but I might not see it and everyone else will see it, and also, dude, I probably won’t be able to get in touch with you because you probably used a fake name and a fake contact for your commenting account thingy. So instead, e-mail me your answer. ALL GONE ALREADY. THANKS!

Starting today and going on until the 17th, the second annual LA Beer Week Festival celebrates the greatness that is beer.  I know, you’re going to say, smartly and/or snarkily, “Every week is LA Beer Week”.  Yes, but it’s not every week that special casks will be opened and tapped for the first time, nor is it every week where your local pub will have something special on tap for one night only.  And what is beer without the food – especially the cheese – to go with it?  There is, for example, a cheese and beer event on the 13th at the Karl Strauss brewery in Universal City.  The following day, Patrick Rue, owner of The Bruery will be on tap (heh heh) at Verdugo Bar to share a few rare beers.  Hot Knives – who prove that you can drink beer and not eat meat and still be men – will pair cheese with Rue’s brews.  Sorry, wine – in this economy, cheese’s preferred plus one is a little more blue collar.

In honor of Beer Week and, more directly, in a blatant attempt to score tickets to the sold out Bruery/Hot Knives event, I’m going to share one of my favorite beer and cheese pairings with you.  Trust me, if you walked onto Noah’s ark that fateful night to see how he was doing with his little pet project there, you’d see these two finding each other in the corner, playfully bickering, but always bringing out the best in each other, as all great pairings are wont to do.  In short, it’d be like a Biblical rom-com starring Jennifer Aniston as Eve and Matthew McConaughey as Adam.  I know you want to see it.

I’m going to let Wallace here introduce you to one of my favorite cheeses, edam.  [You're going to have to sit through a short ad for something Australian - sorry.]

Assuming that the Shopper 13 could drop off the cheese and get on to the local liquor store, I’d bet that Gromit would direct it to pick up a nice strong ale.  You see, that red wheel of edam is a little mild, almost timid, and needs a strong ale to show off its very best parts without bullying and overwhelming it.  Edam is not the type to turn you off too quickly by coming on too strongly, the way blue cheese is apt to do.  The cheese may be a little (pine) nutty, but it’s not crazy.  No, edam is as smooth and mild as Clark Kent, with a few licks of salt in there to make you think that it’s a pre-seasoned sailor nearly ready to take on the high seas.

I’ve found edam at a few markets and noticed that they’re shipped off into the world while they’re quite young.  Me, I like edam the way I like my women: a little more mature, a lot more experienced.   An older edam is sharper, and its sailor’s cap is a markedly saltier than its former younger self.  It’s a nuttier too, but it’s not at the insanity that is Captain Ahab.  Naw, the edam, while now strongly mild and a little crumbly, is still its mellow yellow self.

The first time I had aged edam was when I was in Bristol, which, incidentally, is home to Aardman and Wallace and Gromit.  It was post-midnight, it was after I attended a lecture, and it was very cold. Shivering, I was given a warm dark ale, little balls of edam, and three apple slices.  In that order.  For the life of me, I can’t remember the exact ale, but I can tell you it was strong, and it was perfect with the apples and edam.

To compensate for my bad memory and in tribute to our cheese-loving friend Wallace and his trusty Charlie Chaplin of a dog, Gromit, I offer up one of my favorite English strong ales to complement the edam:  Fuller’s 1845.  Fuller’s makes a few different beers – a London Porter, an ESB – but the 1845 has a special spot in my heart for being one of the first beers that made me feel like an adult and not like a sorority girl stupidly grinning after downing a bottle of Smirnoff Ice.  You can drink this one with the guys during Monday night football, but it’s strong enough to be carried from the coffee to the dining table without making you feel or look like an alcoholic.  This is not Corona, and nothing on the bottle will turn blue when it reaches a certain temperature.

You have to drink this one a little warm.  Just a bit.  Otherwise, the chill will dilute and/or mask all sorts of crazy flavors you think you wouldn’t get in a beer: juniper berries, rustic bread fresh from the oven, fruit.  A (warm) Fuller’s 1845 is damn good with most things, but paired with edam, the malty, fruity flavors of the beer really bring out the tangy, nutty flavors of the cheese.  For its part, the edam brings out a sweet and caramel flavor to the beer, with strong hints of velvet cocoa showing up to the party a few microseconds later.  You don’t feel uncomfortably full after swinging the alcohol and ball of fat, either, which you do sometimes when a beer and cheese pairing is a little off.  See?  The two deserve each other, and I mean that in the best way possible.  (By the by, this beer also goes well with Wallace’s favo[u]rite cheese of all time, Wensleydale, but that’s for another entry masquerading as a blog post far off into the future.).

You can find edam at your local cheese shop (try the Cheese Store of Silver Lake or the Cheese Store of Beverly Hills).  I picked up my bottle of Fuller’s 1845 from Cap’n Cork in Los Feliz, but also look for it when you’re out and about at the Fifth Amendment Alehouse in Santa Monica.  I’ve also had the luck to find it on tap at The Daily Pint, also in Santa Monica (and a participant in LA Beer Week!).  Failing that, you can find Fuller’s at Beer Week participants 1739 Public House in Los Feliz and Waterloo & City in Culver City.

So many beers, so many cheeses, so much time (10 days!) to sample new brews and eats.  Hopefully I don’t sound like your mother, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say: stay safe.  Like every other beer week, right?

Celebrate the Arts, a juried fine art event, now in its 47th year, takes place this weekend October 9 &10 in Monrovia’s Library Park. This event is presented by the Monrovia Association of Fine Arts (MAFA) There will be artists representing painting, sculpture (including wearable sculpture like jewelry) and photography to mention a few in the event. Of course it wouldn’t be a Celebration of the Arts without some music and that there will be scheduled throughout both days of the event.

The Featured Artist this year is Ginger Van Hook, a talented photographer working in silver based media as well as digital, the latter she ventures into digital art with. One of her explorations this last year has been floral in the vein of the impressionist painter Monet. In a recent email exchange with here I got this information on this exploration.

“I will be exhibiting Waterlilies and Lotus Flowers in a tribute to Claude Monet’s gardens. I went in search of local Japanese Gardens in Los Angeles to photograph and found several. This series is from Kenneth Hahn Park (Doris Japanese Gardens) between La Brea and La Cienega. Additional gardens in the area include The Japanese Garden in Van Nuys, the UCLA Hannah Carter Japanese Gardens, Descanso Gardens in Glendale and the Arboretum in Arcadia, just to name a few.”

Among the musicians performing at this years Celebrate the Arts will be local indy rock band Secret Citizen. The video attached was filmed entirely in the Malibu hills. The band is gathering quite a following here (and behind the OC where they play more often than not). This is your chance to see them locally. They will be playing at 4Pm on Saturday 10/9. Enjoy the video “Caroline”.

There will also be a silent Auction to benefit MAFA. Artists participating in the show, and members at large will be donating pieces for this auction. The proceeds will go to fund the many art projects that MAFA has going all year such as the After School Art program, local galleries and other events in the surrounding communities.

Deets: Celebrate the Arts, October 9 & 10, 10AM-6PM, Library Park 321 S Myrtle Avenue, Monrovia CA 91016 MAP HERE .  MAFA web site with Celebrate the Arts information HERE.

Just a little disclosure here, I’m on the board and serve as Vice President of MAFA. Sadly I won’t be in the show this year due to kid activities this weekend.

With the help of the Internets, it seems “popular” music covers an ever widening spectrum of genres. The sad fact is, we just don’t get enough bluegrass. Next week that will be remedied, as Punch Brothers come to the El Rey. They will be joined by their very special guest, super producer and L.A.’s Friday night favorite, Jon Brion.

Punch Brothers feature, among others, the mandolin of Chris Thile, formerly of Nickel Creek. They will be bringing their modern bluegrass sound to the El Rey on Tuesday, 12 October, and I can’t wait. I also can’t wait to share some great music with you, Los Angeles. Thanks to our friends at Goldenvoice, I’ve got several pairs of tickets for some lucky Blogging.LA readers.

Just leave me a note in the comment section below, telling me you want to see this show. I’ll pick a few readers at random, and each will get a pair of tickets for Tuesday night’s show. Contest ends Sunday, 10 October, 6:00pm pdt.

Don’t want to take a chance? You can buy tickets online now.

Known for guerilla art installations and activities in LA, GuerilLA has one planned for Saturday’s Brewery Art Walk.  After reading their facebook invite you’ll know as much as I do.  Just bring a pole, any pole and be ready to participated in the event.  From their invitation:

It’s here! It’s here! The Brewery Artwalk is finally here!

Twice a year, this amazing collective of artists in downtown Los Angeles gives its patrons beautiful art, amazing technology, fantastic food… and the perfect context for our next Mission.

Go on, check out the cool art and hang out for a while. Then at 2:00, come meet up @ Barbara’s at the Brewery (ask anyone there if you don’t know where it is). Bring some sort of big stick (or two, if you can find a spare!) – it can be a bamboo stick, a long wooden dowel, a shower curtain rod, a fishing pole… be creative! There, you will get further instructions.

What: October Mission – Gone Phishin’
When: Saturday, October 9th, 2010
Where: The Brewery Artwalk (breweryartwalk.com)
Bring: A big stick.

Let the mischief begin.

Out,
Agent A

Photo by ItzaFineDay, used under Creative Commons.

On Tuesday Blogging.LA’s own Will Campbell wrote about this weekend’s CicLAvia, an event happening Sunday which will close 7.5 miles of L.A. streets to motorized vehicles, turning them over to cyclists, joggers and walkers.

Now joining the fun and helping you get in on it, too – NeighborGoods.net.

We’ve written about NeighborGoods before. NeighborGoods founder and CEO is my friend, Micki Krimmel (you may also know her around the ‘net as Mickipedia.) She’s come up with an innovative way to save money and help your friends and neighbors, while reducing waste and storage of unnecessary stuff. You can learn about the broader strokes here.

Here’s where it all comes together: NeighborGoods has partnered with CicLAvia, so if you don’t have a bike you can borrow one from a neighbor. Have a bike to lend? Add it to your NeighborGoods inventory to share.

Check out the bikes available and reserve one for CicLAvia. We’ll look forward to riding with you on the streets of L.A.

PS- Even if you’re not able to make it to CicLAvia, you should still sign up at NeighborGoods.net. Do a friend or neighbor a favor; loan them something they need that’s just gathering dust in your garage anyway. Hell, borrow some of my stuff. Need a power drill, but don’t want to buy one just for that one project? I’ve got two. Check it out.

Mark your calender for ArtNight Pasadena on Friday, Oct. 8, from 6 to 10 p.m.  It will have something for every taste when 14 of the city’s most prominent arts and culture institutions open their doors for free. There is a lot of depth to this event. So what are you looking for? Cool comic strips or old masterpieces? Sound art or classical music? Modern Chinese design or graffiti art? You will find it here.

ArtNight Pasadena kicks off Pasadena ArtWeekend, a three-day, six-event, citywide arts festival. Saturday’s offerings include Art of Food from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. on South Lake Avenue, ArtHeritage parade from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. beginning at Los Robles Avenue and Howard Street and ending at La Pintoresca Park, ArtWalk from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. in the Playhouse District and ArtRhythm from 5 to 9 p.m. at Paseo Colorado. On Sunday, ArtPerformance will take place at the Levitt Pavilion in Old Pasadena. For more information visit www.PasadenaArtWeekend.com or call (626) 795-9311.

You also have a choice in transportation: Metro Gold Line, walking, bicycling tour or free shuttle buses available at each of the venues. Best Gold Line station is the Memorial Park Station that is 1 block east of the Armory Center for the Arts. From there you can catch the various shuttles and buses quite easily.

ArtNight Pasadena’s featured exhibitions and performances include:

Alliance Française de Pasadena
34 E. Union, Kendall Alley
“Paris,” an art exhibit by the recognized Los Angeles-based painter Roberto Gutierrez whose black-and-white canvases and gray watercolors give a nostalgic feel to the City of Lights.

Armory Center for the Arts
145 N. Raymond Ave.
“Steve Roden: In Between, A 20 Year Survey,” the first survey of the artist’s work in all its divergent forms, including sound. Plus, NewTown’s “Convergences” presents 11 artists who integrate digital media, sculpture and installation.

Art Center College of Design
1700 Lida St.
“ENERGY,” an exhibition where left brain and right brain intersect and natural forces can be seen through the prisms of science, art and history. Also, recent work in the student gallery.

Kidspace Children’s Museum
480 N. Arroyo Blvd.
Lineage Dance, exploring the famous Kidspace Ant Climber with a playful look from a bug’s point of view in a site-specific dance. Also, art projects exploring the elements of the earth, and family dance time.

Lineage Performing Arts Center
89 S. Fair Oaks Ave.
Nonstop live music and contemporary dance performances, including Lineage Dance’s latest piece, “Defining Moments.”

Norton Simon Museum of Art
411 W. Colorado Blvd.
Two exhibitions, “Hiroshige: Visions of Japan” and “Not Wanting to Say Anything About Marcel: An Artwork by John Cage,” plus centuries of masterpieces on permanent view.

One Colorado
North side of Colorado Boulevard between Union, Fair Oaks and DeLacey.
“Three Founts,” a site-specific, fanciful fountain in the courtyard, drawn from Pasadena history by artist Lynn Aldrich. Also, new Artist in Residence, Carly Steward, in “The Artist Studio.”

Pacific Asia Museum
46 N. Los Robles Ave.
“China Modern: Designing Popular Culture 1910-1970,” an exhibition that demonstrates how different political and social ideas are transmitted via everyday products, advertising and graphic design.

Pasadena City College
1570 E. Colorado Blvd.
Pasadena’s hidden treasure of contemporary art at PCC’s Shatford Library: 24 original works from the Artist in Residence program, 1987-2010. Plus, in the College Art Gallery, an exhibition of work by influential graphic artist Edward Fella.

Pasadena Museum of California Art
490 E. Union St.
Three exhibitions: “CDB 2010: Action/Reaction,” showcasing design from California; “Desire: Six Los Angeles Artists,” featuring contemporary art about desire; and an installation by artist Megan Geckler in the Project Room.

Pasadena Museum of History
470 W. Walnut St.
“Pasadena Patron: The Life & Legacy of Eva Scott Fenyes,” the world of art, live music and dance from Pasadena’s Gilded Age, and one of early Pasadena’s most influential women.

Pasadena Central Library
285 E. Walnut St.
“Art of the Book” as seen through graphic novels, paintings, photographs, and theatrical and musical performances, and craft-making. Also, “The Word: Between the Lines,” works by Pasadena Society of Artists members.

Pasadena Symphony
Ambassador Auditorium
131 S. St. John Ave.
Harpist Alison Bjorkedal and others create an intimate musical preview of the 2010/11 season at the Pasadena Symphony’s new home, Ambassador Auditorium. Also, venue tours and special ticket offers.

Shumei Arts Council
2430 E. Colorado Blvd.
“The Dalai Lama and His People,” photography and book signing by Don Farber. Also, Makoto Taiko drumming at 6:30, 7:30, 8:30 and 9:30 p.m.

For more information call the ArtNight Pasadena Hotline at (626) 744-7887 or visit their WEB HERE. For accessibility information or written materials in alternative formats, call (626) 744-7249. To join ArtNight bicycle tours visit www.cicle.org.

Get your scary on, Blogging.la readers, I have it on good authority this year’s Queen Mary Halloween event: Dark Harbor is the best yet, and we have tickets for you. Horror aficionados don’t need the explanation, but for the rest of you: each year, the Queen Mary gets transformed into a  fun, scary Halloween party? event? park? There are bands and food, and this year there are five apparently ridiculously scary mazes. Their site boasts “more than 45,000 scares per hour” courtesy of 160 monsters and 20-foot tall flames. (It’s sounds a little like a Burning Man afterparty if you’re sober, but I’m promised it’s even more scary than that.)

Tickets are regularly $35, discounted to $29 ($25 for students) for the next two weekends (Oct. 8-10, 15-17), but I’ve got two pairs of freebies for this Friday or Sunday if you can get your clever on and provide a caption for the photo below in the comments. Keep reading for details.

Click me twice to make me bigger

So leave your best/funniest caption  in the comments below, and don’t forget to supply an email address where I can reach you. Winners will be selected sometime after midnight (of course) Thursday night by a committee of two (me and a PR guy–now you’re really scared aren’t you?). Watch your email late Thursday night/early Friday morning. If you can’t make this weekend, they can raincheck your tickets for next Friday or Sunday.

Of course, if you plan to go, you should check out the website for all the details. I’m a blogger, not your mother. Go. Have fun.

[Also, if you want to hedge your bets, the Queen Mary is giving away tickets to the best caption for this pic. Tweet your caption to @TheQueenMary with the #DarkHarbor hashtag.]

There are book signing and then there are Weird book signings that make it all the more fun to attend. This Friday night from 8pm to 10pm, writer Joe Oesterle, who has written a number of the book’s subjects, and other special guests will be at the legendary Boardners bar off Hollywood Blvd. to mingle, sign books, and share some of the weirder tales Los Angeles has been host to.  This book signing is also being co-sponsored by our past city captain David Markland and creator of CreepyLA.

It’s definitely going to be a weird event. Hope to see you there.

Special Guests so far include:
- Karie Bible (from Film Radar, and more notoriously rumored to be the Lady In Black)
- Scott Michaels (celebrity death expert, owner/operator of Dearly Departed Tours)
- Count Smokula (horror host, songwriter)
- Dennis Woodruff (yeah, that guy with the cars)
- Richard Carradine (GHOULA founder, author of The Park After Dark: An Unauthorized Guide to the Happiest (Haunted) Place on Earth)
- Rich Kuras, Managing Editor of Mania.com
- Christopher Dennis, aka Superman (George Reeves look-a-like) on Hollywood Blvd.
- Steve Goldstein author of “LA’s Graveside Companion.”
- Donna Lethal, sassy Hollywood aficionado and writer
- David Markland (creator, CreepyLA)

Deets 10/8 8PM-10PM, Boardners Bar 1652 N. Cherokee Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90028

I was taking a break on the serene L.A. River Bikeway just north of the Hyperion Viaduct in Atwater Village during an afternoon bike ride late last week, admiring an egret and a great blue heron waiting together for their respective next meals to swim by. All of a sudden moving noisily upstream, the biggest bug I’ve ever seen at the river shot out from under the bridge, and I just had time to flip my cam to video mode and capture the anomaly. Check it out for yourself (but do please excuse the semi-maniacal laughter that issues forth from my amazed self).

By the time I quit my silly giggling and pedaled downstream of the bridge the water bug was gone, leaving a telltale trail of the wet stuff up the east bank where no doubt it retreated to the streets via the entrance to Red Car Park. I’ve seen some preeeeetty strange and random things in the river, but this just about takes the prize.

If the embed above isn’t viewable you can check it out on YouTube directly.

Here’s the tweet, short and sweet.  If you use a cell for calling or texting while driving you will get a ticket like you were warned the other day.

Names can be deceiving and although Kang Kang Food Court has the words “food court” in its name, it’s not like the food court you’ll see at your local mall. But in concept, Kang Kang is like a food court in that it has a huge selection of food– it’s a small restaurant in a shopping center in the SGV with a giant “fast food” menu featuring hundreds of cheap and delicious items from all over Taiwan and various regions of China.

If you come here, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by all the choices, but I’ll make it simple for you– it’s the Shanghai pan-fried dumplings/buns that this place is really known for. The Shanghai Sheng Jian Bao (上海生煎包) is Kang Kang’s signature dish; you can see patrons chowing down on them at every other table. And as the banner over the doorway proudly proclaims, it was one of the L.A. Times’ Top 10 Recipes of 2009.

These gems are filled with pork, wrapped in a thin dough, pan-fried to perfection and topped with black sesame seeds and green onion. When cooked, the pork filling creates a hot “soup” that fills the inside of the bun. But be warned! Your first instinct may be to take a giant bite into a piping hot dumpling. If you do this, your bun will explode into a hot mess and the inside of your mouth will be instantly scalded! Trust me, I’ve seen it happen. I’ve also been the victim of squirting bun soup juice, so be kind to your fellow eaters and learn the method to eating them so that you don’t lose the soup (the best part!).

The first thing to do is to be careful not to poke a hole in the dumpling while you’re picking it up with your chopsticks. Once you’ve picked up the dumpling, rest it on the spoon (which you’re holding with your other hand) so you can take a small bite on the top of the bun (just enough to make a hole in the dough). Then slowly (carefully) suck the soup out of the dumpling– or if you like to play with your food like I do, up-end the dumpling soup into our soup spoon. The buns are served with a black rice vinegar so after the soup is gone, you can then dip the bun into vinegar and carefully enjoy the rest of the hot dumpling.

It’s kind of ironic that the Shanghai Sheng Jian Bao are not made before 11am at Kang Kang because they are actually a common breakfast food in Shanghai. They’re also often sold as dian xin (點心) (or snacks) and are rarely found as a dish in a main meal in China. But at Kang Kang, they can be the centerpiece of a meal.

My suggestion is to come in, order a combo from the food line (you’ll see when you get there), order the Shanghai pan-fried dumplings at the cashier when you pay for your food and enjoy the combo items while they pan-fry your dumpling goodness. If you can find a table, eat there instead of ordering them to go– the dumplings are better fresh (though they do travel well), and you get tea with your meal if you eat in. A 3-item combo (which comes with rice and soup) + an order of 8 pan-fried dumplings will run you $11. And you’ll probably have leftovers!

And although Kang Kang also does a decent Xiao Long Bao/XLB (小籠包), if you’re here for the pan-fried dumplings, don’t make the mistake of ordering the steamed dumplings which are also sometimes called “Shanghai Dumplings” at other restaurants. (Well, if you’re hungry, you can order both!)

If you have room after all this, check out their shaved ice bar / drink menu. Perfect for hot days in L.A.

Kang Kang Food Court (Pacific Square)
27 E. Valley Blvd
Alhambra, CA 91801
626-308-3898
CASH ONLY

This is a post in Blogging.LA‘s Menu Mining Series.

Spotted recently at a very crowded Costco parking lot, this SUV driver took up a whole space and more, making it impossible for someone to park in the adjacent spot.

Based on the advertising in lieu of a front license plate, this looks to be a new vehicle.  Does that give the driver the right to take up extra parking spots in this manner?  I must have missed the memo. Or maybe it’s the driver’s first big SUV, and he or she parked this way by accident and didn’t bother to check their parking job because they were too busy texting.  If so, hopefully shoppers wheeling their giant Costco shopping carts next to this vehicle won’t be similarly neglectful.

Considering it took about five bureaucratastic years for sharrows to go from concept to reality, when I first heard about hopes at the 2009 Bike Summit for bringing a Bogota, Colombia-style ciclovia to the streets of Los Angeles I was pretty sure it would take at least the same amount of time for that idea to become an actuality.

Oh me of little faith. Thanks to the dedicated and tireless efforts of that core group of enthusiastic believers who ultimately enlisted support from key organizations, city councilmembers and Mayor Villaraigosa, the city’s historic inaugural CicLAvia is free and open to the public and happening next Saturday Sunday (10/10/10) between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m., when a 7.5-mile route (click image for a larger map) between East Hollywood and Boyle Heights will be closed entirely to vehicles and opened wide to cyclists, joggers, and walkers.

As someone who participated in all 15 L.A. Marathon Bike Tours (1995-2009, rest in peace) and even the famed 2003 Arroyofest which saw the Pasadena Freeway go bikes/peds-only for a few glorious hours of a foggy June morning, guess where I’ll be. Hope you’ll be there, too.

Find out more at the CicLAvia website.

I’m the proud owner of a pretty deadly combination of psychological quirks: My eyes are bigger than my stomach (and my stomach isn’t exactly tiny), and I hate to waste food. Which is why I wind up groaning on the couch with a distended belly every time I order empanadas from El Morfi, Glendale’s best Argentinean restaurant.

A cheese-and-onion empanada.

Adding to the problem is that the empanadas are pretty remarkably cheap at $1.90 apiece, or $1.30 apiece if you get them take-out style (which I usually do, though El Morfi has a great atmosphere). So I often get myself about six, which is roughly two more than I can comfortably finish. It’s not like the old days of the college cafeteria, when I once attempted to eat my age in fish sandwiches. I was nineteen. I ate seven sandwiches.

But: Empanadas. They come in a pretty broad variety, but my favorite is the corn, a deep-fried pasty full of sweet, hearty chowder. Coming in a close second are cheese-and-onion and cheese-and-jalapeno; the ham-and-cheese are delicious as well. The beef empanadas are pretty good too, though they’re hard not to compare to Jamaican beef patties, which I feel comfortable calling the best kind of empanada in the world, with the possible exception of this one salmon empanada my friend’s grandmother made for me one time in Madrid, and after eating it I marched straight to the American embassy and said I wouldn’t be coming back. Or at least I would have, but I ate too much empanada and couldn’t get off the couch, thus cementing pretty much every European stereotype of Americans.

A corn empanada. It's my favorite.

But no, really: El Morfi empanadas. The best part of ordering these is that El Morfi gives you a sample of their chimichurri sauce, which is surely tied with the garlic sauce from Zankou Chicken as Best Condiment In Los Angeles. Made with olive oil, garlic, parsley and the feather-dandruff from the wings of molting angels, chimichurri is at its best when poured into the open end of an empanada cut in half, so it can drip down and permeate the filling. Put it in your mouth and let the resultant feeling of euphoria roll past your uvula and down your throat. Yes, I know: “That’s what she said.” You know what else she said? Go to El Morfi and get some damn chimichurri sauce. If we don’t support them and they go out of business, god knows where we’ll get the stuff, and I don’t have the money for a ticket to Argentina.

Chimichurri on a wedge of pita. It lasted only seconds after the flash went off.

The folks at El Morfi are smart, though; they only give you a small cup of chimichurri with your empanadas, and then sell the stuff at the counter for $3.75 a jar. Buy it. Slather it on bread. Marinate a chicken in it. Eat it directly from the container. No, don’t do that. You’ll get sick. But buy some. It’s good. You know what? Forget the empanadas if you want. Just get the chimichurri sauce. And bring me some.