So, one of the more intriguing things about LA’s legendary population of Lizard People is that they once lived (and possibly still live) in an underground city shaped like a lizard. Or at least, people say it’s shaped like a lizard. In actuality, it looks about as much like a lizard as any other city. Look at an aerial view of St. Louis or San Jose or Altoona. They’re all pretty much equally lizard-shaped. The underground Lizard City is much the same. In all likelihood people have been agreeing that it’s shaped like a lizard primarily out of politeness.

But it does raise some questions about how the Lizards work. If the city is herpetologically planned, that shows a pretty impressive degree of industriousness. Imagine the logistics of building a city shaped like a lizard above ground. Now imagine doing it at subterranean depths that would make a Chilean miner gasp.

So, they’re reptiles, right? How did they make a city underground, hidden from the sun? Aren’t they exothermic? How did the Lizard construction workers not keep falling into torpor from lack of warmth? And what do Lizard construction workers shout at attractive female passersby? I assume something like “Hey, baby! Lemme see that cloaca!” or “Oh, Honey! You got my hyoid bone goin’ crazy over here!”

Why build the city underground at all? Apparently they built the city long before human feet trod North American soil. Why not just build it right on the prehistoric surface of the Earth, where there are palm trees and palisades and dragonflies the size of Chinook helicopters? Were they hiding from someone? And if so, who?

We’ll explore that next time.