Cola Dysphoria Disorder

On 3rd St, Near Fairfax
"The first diet cola for men" (3rd St, Near Fairfax)I

Your author, Lulu, is a manly man. Brimming with machismo and testosterone. And yet I never knew until just recently how badly I was threatening this masculinity by consumption of those girlish, effeminate colas I drank until I learned of the virtues of “Pepsi Max”!

It is true that I had already learned, through the joys of commercial advertising, to conform with my gender identity by choosing shampoos, perfumes (sorry, colognes), razors, vitamin, cocktails (though I drink rarely), yogurt (I know to drink mannish kefir), and media, that flatter my swagger.  I am happy my local corner alerted me to this additional constraint.  Oh, the pitfalls of gender!

4 Replies to “Cola Dysphoria Disorder”

  1. I’m surprised they didn’t call it Pepsi M’Axe. I guess that would have been a trademark issue.

  2. Conversely, despite being somewhat ridiculously labeled and promoted and trademarked as “The Whole Nutrition Bar for Women” I am not ashamed to admit that I have long been conspicuous in my consumption of Luna Bars (owned by Clif Bars & Co.).

    Once, just to see what would happen, I contacted their customer service center to “complain” about the blatant and meaninglessly sexist stance. Their solution was to buy me off with a free box of the flavor of my choosing — Lemon Zest, by the way.

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