our pilot tells us we need to make an emergency landing.

715

we land in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere, and some guy sells us some corn. he goes away.

900

we get an alternate plane, and leave the middle of nowhere.

1100

we land in new york, see the guy get off with our bags. he steals our bags.

we just got tot he wiltern, there was this guy outside in purple suspenders and a green beret that was yelling and screaming “you are the one at” at us, its so cool people here in la arent afraid to express how much they love our songs, he started crying when he realized we couldnt say hi to everyone, i felt bad, but we will make sure to play an extra special show to make sure all our fans know we love them

18:39

chillin out doing some interviews, eating some mini pizzas when suddenly
there’s a scuffle outside our dressing room, securities trying to hold someone or other back, damn these la fans rock

18:45

its that guy, howd he make it into the venue? man hes diehard, still shouting out “you are the one”
securities trying there best but it seems like he knows some special forces moves (guess that explains the beret), it seems like the whole staff pro team is out there

1855

security was no match for him, he immediately made a beeline to our drink table, the guy starts pounding vodka and acting like nothings out of the ordinary, damn those suspenders he has are pretty fly though

19:00

we have learned his name is james, he talked us into having a push up contest where the loser has to chug a bottle of smirnoff, the winner chugs a bottle of grey goose, he keeps ranting on about how we should cover “major tom”

19:30

I have no clue how we are going to go on tonight, james has drank us all under the table, the push up game was a ruse, he knew all along what he was doing, his liver must be the size of one of gallaghers watermelons,
he says hes going on stage in our place, this is madness (dictated as unable to type or even move my upper body)

19:50
he has taken the stage,

19:55
the crowd is in an uproar, James didnt know what he was getting himself into, even a man with the skills he possesses cant survive what will be unleashed upon him

20:00
molotov cocktails are being hurled, james is butchering our songs but he still persists amongst the flames, when suddenly he starts going into that “major tom” cover he was going on and on about, the crowd is hypnotized, james rises from the flames like a phoenix, reborn, alive for the very first time, the crowd suddenly forgets us, and only he exists

24.50
as soon as he ended the cover it was a bloodbath, the crowd was merciless, they called our names, asking where we were, what he had done to us, we cried for help but noone could hear us , suddenly james performed a triple backflip up into the lighting scaffolding, he flew throught he air, away from our legion of fans toward us, he came to me like a messiah with a 4 pack of redbull a bottle of grey goose and a 32 ounce ampm cup, he mixed up a concoction, we drank, coming alive, learning his secrets, he winked at me, one last word of advice guys he said “major tom, major tom”

25:00

with the venue burnt down we perform an acoustic set outside the wiltern next to the bacon wrapped hot dog selling lady

months later:
we were asked to write a song for the new 2010 Lincoln MKZ commercial.
weve been struggling all day with ideas when suddenly it hits me, i pop open a vodka red bull, add in some grey goose and the magic starts,
cheers james, cheers

1030 hrs. They’re reporting there are human sized lizards chasing people on the streets. Police are overwhelmed.

1300 hrs. I can’t believe they nuked New York. Some Asian guy behind me is spazzing out.