Fact: The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are the least favorite Major League Baseball team in America.
This is according to a newly-released Harris poll, which finds the Halos coming in just above the Toronto Blue Jays. A Canadian baseball team, eh? This is a pathetic result, considering the size of this market and the expendable income of the team’s bleach blond fan base. Although, I still can’t find Los Angeles of Anaheim in my Thomas Guide. (Is that the page that came out when I was hauling ass to an audition? How will I ever find Santa Monica again? Damn you, 405!)
Anyhoo… Feeling warm and fuzzy from watching former Ray Josh Hamilton crush the ball at last night’s Home Run Derby, I decided to help the Angels with their image problem. For this task, we need bold, new ideas. We need to think outside the A.
5 Simple Ways to Make the Angels More Popular:
1. Move the team to a real, fake city. Like Hollywood.
2. Rotate celebrity managers. Imagine a lineup penciled in by Ashton Kutcher.
3. Host an all-you-can pump Gas Night, with something crazy, like $3.99 a gallon!
4. Topless tailgating bacon-wrapped hot dog cook-offs.
5. Swim-up bleacher seats with full bar service. Upper deck margaritas, son.
Feel free to add your own suggestions to help America’s most unloved baseball team. The poor bastards.