Los Angeles, I’ve come up with a plan that will solve three of our biggest problems.

Are you tired of traffic, pollution and the high price of gas? Get ready, I’m going to solve them all with one brilliant idea. Before I get into the details of my idea I should admit that I have a reader of LA Metblogs to thank for the inspiration. Last night, the esteemed David Markland shared his thoughts on a recent LA Times article about mass transit and in the comments a reader left the following response:

I don’t know why more people don’t make an effort to live close to where they work. I’ll be moving in the fall and you can be sure I’m going to be living in the best neighborhood I can find within 3(ish) miles of where I work.

At first I thought that the suggestion was completely impractical as there are many reasons why you wouldn’t or couldn’t live close to your job. But then the idea hit me.

Find out more after the jump.

First things first: for my plan to work I need the co-operation of as many single people as possible. If you’re married or in a committed relationship you can just sit back and wait for the good times. In fact if you are not single you shouldn’t even read this…stop wasting time on the internet and go do something responsible.

Okay, now that we got rid of the couples here’s the plan: Single people, I’d like you to start dating someone who lives near your place of employment. I don’t care who, just pick someone who lives within 2-3 miles of your job. That guy at the Coffee Bean has a sweet studio above his parents’ garage and it’s only four blocks from your office, maybe you could ask him out? Or that girl who walks to work, I bet she lives really close. It doesn’t matter who you choose but they should live close and you should absolutely rush into sleeping together. You see, it’s impractical to ask people to move closer to the office, but what if you were sleeping with someone in the neighborhood? You could start staying there a few nights a week and that’s when the magic happens…with a shorter commute a few days a week you’ll save gas, ease congestion and reduce pollution. Everybody wins!

Single people, you’re probably thinking I’m a jerk for suggesting a plan like this but think about it: we’ve all been attracted to certain people for the wrong reasons so why not be attracted to someone for a reason that, while terrible, at least helps the city? Besides, are you doing that much better finding someone on your own? Why not settle for someone at least geographically desirable. It doesn’t have to be serious, it just has to last until the price of gas drops a few bucks, or we get a decent subway…that could be happening any day now. Stop being so selfish and start helping Los Angeles, by having sex with someone close to work.

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