Dunno how I’d react if I was woken up over pickles.
However, it upsets me when I walk into a fast food restaurant “to go” and they don’t give me napkins or straws, which is standard in drive thru. But ketchup? The ALWAYS ask if I want ketchup.

Every time I go to El Pollo Loco and order a salad, there’s no dressing in the bag and every time I ask, “Does this come with dressing?” and then the guy just grabs some dressing and hands it over. They never say “oh, yeah sorry” or “yes it does, you’re so right” so apparently my business is not worth any degree verbal communication on their part. That would be awesome if every time someone confronted me about a mistake I made, I could just hand them a packet of Balsamic Vinaigrette and it would be over. If I forget my girl’s anniversary, I’ll just chuck some Soy Sesame at her. If I miss a deadline at work, I’ll leave some Low Fat Honey-Dijon in my boss’s in box. They’ll intuitively know that I think apologies are overrated and that what’s important is that they didn’t have to eat disgusting dry lettuce.

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Jeez, I stopped eating at Canter’s about 5 years ago because of the pickles. First, we never got pickles if the blond guy who worked the north room was our waiter. We had to ask and deal with his pissy attitude. Then he was gone and we started getting pickles, but they were limp, flaccid pale looking things. If I wanted flaccid pale looking things…ahem…er, so in protest, I stopped eating there. I can go to Greenblatt’s get a much better $12 sandwich and the coolest, crispiest, hardest and greenest pickles I’ve ever had at a restaurant.

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Hahahah! Perfect. That’s our answer!