Hello, friends! In part 1, and 2, of our report on Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors!, we captured celebrity images, met Joe Dante, fought bugs and braved the wormhole that would ultimately bridge the inter-dimensional rift that separates the L.A. from the O.C.
When you last left your heroes, they were about to embark on a honey-soaked nightmare through the Hundred Acre Wood!
Pictures by Sara Zaragoza and Mark Englert. Click on them, we dare you!
So friends our journey has almost reached an end! When we started this ambitious venture, we had no idea our titular convention couldn’t match our commitment to having the most fun ever.
We poetically declared Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors!, “dead” and braved the 5 freeway. Destination: The Happiest Place on Earth. No doubt, ensuring a magical boost in our collective fun-o-meter(pronounced like thermometer, NOT therm-o-mee-ter)!
When you last left us, we were getting on Pooh’s Adventure. Which is a delightfully family-friendly troffle through the history of feces in America! Not really… if only Disney had the guts.
It seems our excitement was catching up to us… As we slowly swayed forward on our blustery voyage, we started to fall into a deep honey-trance.
We came to mid-ride, unsure as to whether or not we had in fact awoken or were caught in some sort of simultaneous waking dream! Both very aware of the frightening imagery that unfolded, we struggled to cast off the thick veil of horror not unlike the dreary nothing of the Los Angeles Convention Center!
Suddenly aware of our impending doom, Steve attempts to tickle the marauding Heffelumps and Woozles intent on making off with your heroes’ honey, and perhaps, their vital bodily fluids!
Pure madness sets in.
Mark and Steve hold on tight to their faces, struggling to keep them from being torn off by ghastly Tiggers and Roos!
Mark turns feral as a last-ditch effort and attempts to ward off his imaginary captors with thrashing, gnawing rage! It almost works…
Fear not! There’s peaking daylight ahead, a way out. But this journey was not going to end without consequence…
Mark had to first offer a sloppy tongue kiss to a mutated half-real, half-cartoon version of The Pooh Bear himself! Only then would we be let go, on the promise we’d never return, on a Sunday… At 4:30pm… In April.
The imagery was too gruesome to picture here. Let’s just say, Mark may never have children as a result of this life changing event. Poor unborn baby Mark Jr…
We do have an artists’ rendition of the fearsome “Pooh Beast”:
You can thank your lucky pouch you weren’t there to witness the horror. I can assure you, that ride will never be forgotten. Until something cooler happens…
Free from the evils of the Hundred Acre Wood, we decided to refresh our palettes with mint juleps and a big, yummy, circle… thing!
For the record, mint juleps are goddamn tasty! If you’ve yet to experience one, you only need to click your heels together, and scream, “There’s no place like over abundant, forceful merchandising!”
After our near fatal experience in Critter Country, we decided to hop over to the always vacant parking lot that is Disney’s California Adventure! Our first stop there is usually at the Disney Animation building. Our obsessive love for all things animated draws us ever closer, like a childhood dreams magnet!
Ooo, robot! Recently, there have been some rumors that the 80’s screwball comedy Short Circuit is going to be remade into an all-CGI nightmare! We’re here to confirm that this is true, and apparently Pixar is at the helm.
Johnny5 is alive!
Mark had to show Sara and I this odd turntable in the center of one of the rooms in the animation building. It was littered with characters from Toy Story 2. At first we were dumbfounded by the strangely placed array of colorful creatures.
Suddenly, and without proper warning, the damn thing starts to spin! Just as you begin to question what the shit is going on, a seizure-inducing strobe light begins to flash!
The result?! Click the picture above to see a video film that Mark took on his fancy new camera!
CA Adventure is closing, so we head back to Disneyland proper.
We decide it’s time to put on a song and dance number for all the understanding folks who welcomed us involuntarily into their happy land of Disney! Also, to all the tired guests who didn’t call security on us while we shouted obscenities, and sang loudly in ride lines!
The audience is listening…
On a high that only a fellow performer can understand, Steve makes a bold move that has been a long time coming…
…and proposes to Mark, to be his second wife!
Mark declines, stating that it’s against his religion to marry someone wearing shorts. Plus, I guess it’s illegal to be married twice. And also, it’s fairly illegal to marry another man… Stupid California!
Sara, in retaliation for Steve’s marriage request to Mark, does another thing that has been a long time coming, and smacks the beard off of Steve’s face! That’ll teach him for not being mindful of California laws!
Afterwards, Sara admitted that it hurt her more than it hurt Steve. Which she even later admitted was not true. And even furthermore admitted that it felt fantastic! And added, “You should all give it a try some time!” Adda’ girl!
And in closing, what did we learn from this hearty experience? Well, nothing! I mean, we fell into temptation and spent an ungodly amount of questionably hard-earned money on a theme park adventure! Can you blame us? We only acted upon our youthful tingle, and got the hell out of dodge to be rewarded with a day of hot-as-hell merriment! Lesson learned, mischief managed!
So all in all, it was the best Fangoria Weekend of Horrors ever!