Sweetheart, I didn’t pull into the intersection because the traffic on the other side wasn’t moving. I was trying to let the little old lady turn left in front of us. But people in huge fucking trucks kept swinging around me and gunning it, so she was too terrified to go anywhere. So I gave in and pulled forward when traffic ahead of us started to move. I didn’t realize you’d choose that exact moment to lose patience with me (I think it had been an entire minute since I stopped) and pull around me. Wow, Escalades accelerate pretty fast! You were almost in front of me when you looked over and saw that I was moving. I know how hurt you must have been that I was going with the flow of traffic, so it’s totally understandable that you whipped back into my lane. Your behemoth Cadillac was way more entitled to that piece of road than my compact car was, even if I was currently occupying it. It’s OK, I have good breaks. And hey, look at that! My horn works, too! Oh, does that make you mad? Oh my god, you’re pulling over and gesturing to me to fight you? Lady, you are tiny and blond. “Tough” looks silly on you. And seriously, we both have children in our car. Mine is small, but yours looks to be around nine. What the hell do you think you’re teaching him? You idiot.
P.S. Mild controversy, after the jump.
(I really wanted this to be to the cunt in the Escalade, but after the last time I used that word I’m not taking any chances with our readers’ delicate sensibilities.)