“FUN”-goria’s Weekend of Horrors! (Part 1)

Hello friends! We went to the “World Famous” Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors on Sunday, and boy oh boy, did it ever fulfill all the minimum requirements to be considered a convention.

Let it never be said that we are not fully committed to pursuing fun and adventure, and to entertain our humor hungry readers! So we decided on a “gentleman’s agreement” that today would be the most epic quest of our lives… And that we would blog about it.

For those of you with weak stomachs and a sensitivity to extreme fright, do not click for more!

But, please do click for more, it’s really not that bad. Unless you’re deathly afraid of wide open spaces, cult icons, and the sight of four or less people gathered in a group…

Pictures by Sara Zaragoza and Mark Englert. Biggify them through the art of clicking.

A clusterphobics' nightmare!

As you can see, the Fangoria Weekend of Horrors(or “Fay-wee-ho” as we called it) got off to a great start. The entrance hall was crowded with thousands of people, pushing and shoving en masse, frothing to drop their debatably hard earned money to get in and then pay even more money for autographs and pictures of their beloved cult icons!

We pressed and squeezed our way through the din to make our way onto the show floor. It was a claustrophobic nightmare!

Once inside, our youthful eyes were treated to a veritable cornucopia of sights. Tables, chairs and people sitting at tables.. in chairs. It was as if our entire lives had been building to this very moment! Just look at that guy with the cane. His wobbly gaze is fixed on something undoubtedly spectacular!

I’d also like to take this opportunity to point out that Fay-wee-ho has gone green this year, making available a re-cycling trash bin in which convention goers may toss their plastic bottles, color-forms, disposable plastic crutches, and colostomy bags!

There were all sorts of annoyingly obscure horror movie t-shirts available for anyone to buy or not buy.

This fine fellow is a superior example of the common horror t-shirt connoisseur.

And he’s not the only one!

Typically, scarecrows are designed to scare birds away from corn, or, flail-dance all over the place and give crappy directions. This is a new innovation in scarecrow technology… it’s designed to scare the blood out and away from the costume-wearer’s arms.

Something that Fay-wee-ho did deliver was a plethora of stars. They were all on hand to scribble their unintelligible signatures on freshly inkjet printed, full-color glossies!

We spied Kathy Lamkin from afar… Sadly, we came ill-equipped and didn’t have the appropriate camera lens to capture her magical sparkling visage. Every picture we took of her came out too bright, and having the faint image of, what we both agreed was the very face of God!

Bryan O’Hallaron wasn’t even supposed to be there that day, but showed up anyway. (Just a light josh for all you Clerks fans! Eh?! EH!?)

Robert Picardo couldn’t make it, but a holographic representation of the man filled in quite nicely. The avatar also did a smashing job of frightening children and stumping teenagers.

Who can withstand the pure oddness of Jack O’Halloran, Emil Muzz of the Dragnet movie, in the flesh!

Apparently, Sheryl Crow is a huge fan of horror genre, and attends Fay-wee-ho every year without fail! She was set to sign autographs as well, but alas rigor mortis set in, and see had to be wheeled away by her twelve Eskimo body guards.

The big draw this year was not the clockwork arrival of Sheryl Crow, no! Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors played host to the 40th anniversary reunion of the Night of the Living Dead Cast.

Seeing these fine actors at the top of their game was the main draw, especially for Sara, who is easily the biggest Romero fan out of the three of us.

However, the true highlight of Fay-wee-ho was the stalking and inevitable meeting of one man.

Joe Dante! He couldn’t have been nicer and didn’t even call us out on our bungled shadowing of him for like, five minutes around the show floor. After checking his name off our bucket list, we pondered how so much talent could fit into such a slim fitting vest! We may never know…

After meeting Mr. Dante, our Fay-wee-ho experience started to change. The t-shirts, buttons, bootleg movies and various other horror-related knick-knackery that seemed so thrilling when we arrived only half an hour before seemed to lose their luster. Somehow repeatedly walking up and down the nearly seven isles, nervously catching the eye of a patron or B-list celebrity was becoming tiring. Is it possible that we reached the zenith of what Fay-wee-ho had to offer already?

Perhaps we needed a break. A chance to get away from the overpowering spectacle that had numbed our pleasure centers far beyond hope of ever achieving any sort happiness until next year’s Fangoria Weekend of Horrors.

We decided it was time to fill our bellies with eats! And who can resist the food-like aroma of gourmet brand convention grub?

“Mmmm, good”!

We scarfed our extremely heterosexual salads, out of pure instinct to survive. Though, something began to trouble Steve, and the normally swift shoveling of dry wilted leaves into his gaping maw slowed to a frightening pace, ultimately coming to a complete stop.

Was some evil presence repudiating Steve’s oft-times unbeatable speed eating?

Had the exhilaration of the day started a chain of events culminating in the hemorrhaging of something important in poor Steve’s gutti-works?

Was Steve simply, somehow, for the first time in his life… full?

Find out tomorrow, in “Fun”-goria’s Weekend of Horrors (Part 2)!

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