64 Worst: Kobe Bryant vs. Dr. Phil

April 10, 2008 at 9:00 am in 64 Worst

What makes living in L.A. more unbearable, Kobe Bryant or Dr. Phil?

After winning in 1988, it took 12 years to build another Lakers line-up capable of winning the championship. After some hits (acquiring free agent Shaq and acquiring young Kobe from the Hornets) and misses (Dennis Rodman?!), Jerry Buss hired Phil Jackson as head coach. It was during this 1999-2000 season that the Lakers fought their way to the first of their legendary Threepeat Championships.

Meanwhile, Kobe and Shaq are bickering and Phil publishes a book wherein he describes his young phenom as “uncoachable.” In ’03, Jerry West brings in Karl Malone, but Kobe acts like a diva. The team falls apart: the Lakers lose the championship, Shaq, Phil and West leave, and Malone retires with an injury (having never won a ring). Oh, but we keep Kobe.

Does Kobe deliver? No. Since this time, the Lakers have not won a championship, and Kobe has never won the MVP.* Kobe wanted to be the star player who carried the team on his shoulders. Kobe never accepts responsibility for destroying a capable team in 2003. Instead he complains publicly that he is surrounded by sub-par players and that this is the real reason the Lakers don’t seed higher than they do.** He has asked to be traded, and frankly I think we should let him go already.

Kobe Bryant killed the Lakers.

On the other hand, we have Dr. Phil. Let’s start by telling you that Dr. Phil is not licensed by the state of California (or anywhere!) to practice psychology. I don’t think I need to go into detail about the whole Britney Spears hospital visit. Worth noting is the Dr. Phil Crack House, which was effectively shut down by neighbors last year.

Dr. Phil is a loudmouth psuedo-shrink peddling quick fixes and diet scams to the gullible and stupid. A pox on our fair town, he managed to look worse than Britney Spears during her lowest point—not an easy task.

Kobe does have his fans and is a talented ball player. Dr. Phil, however, has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and I know of no one who can say they “like” his “show.”

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* Kobe has won the MVP for the all-star game twice, but did not win the MVP for the championship. That title went to Shaq each time.

** Thank goodness he gets along with Pau. And even though they are seeded third, with 14 technical fouls Kobe could jeopardize their standing if he gets suspended.

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