64 Worst: Teacup Dogs vs. Hipsters

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Delicate, prone to nervous aggression, burdened with a Napoleon complex, possessed of a picky diet, requiring ugly sweaters and long periods of expensive grooming, and wont to anxiety and petty, public spats in large, crowded places…wait, are we talking about hipsters? Or teacup dogs?

dogforweb.JPG so cool

If I have to walk into one more rock show/bike shop/vegetarian restaurant/art gallery/bowling alley in LA to be confronted by the ubiquitous tableaux of tiny knots of twentysomethings with their artist-designed tees, lumberjack shirts, hi-tops and profusion of facial hair, or that “I just got hit in the face with a brick” pouty-lipped, runny-mascara underslept ingenue look, continuing to chat over their Colt 45 while sliding one sidelong glance at you, over their drink, I will whip my rabid teacup Chihuahua out of my Prada purse and fling it into the crowd, shrieking and spraying spittle, like a lit firecracker.

Both the hipster look and the teacup dog are an attempt at saying, “I live a life of such leisure that I can afford to wake up hungover at 4pm to find my hair artfully tousled/I can carry this helpless creature around with me at all times, to all places, because I don’t have to actually work or do anything.” The hipster look and the lilliputian dog are fashion statements: whether you’re sporting a mini puggle or a stylish bouffant of ennui, either way, it says something about you. It probably says “trust fund.” And whether you’re a 19-year-old gamine huddled smoking irritably outside a club, or a toy Pinscher the size of your master’s nonfat half-caff latte…you are BOTH shivering in that ironic chartreuse sweater.

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28 Replies to “64 Worst: Teacup Dogs vs. Hipsters”

  1. It’s not the dogs I can’t stand, but their owners.

    In my industry, I have to deal and work with hipsters all the time, so I think I’ve developed a resistance to their more irritating aspects.

  2. To me, this one is a no brainer. Little dogs are cute and make sense in big cities. But Hipsters! Maybe it is because I lived in Brooklyn, ground zero for hipsters, but I hate them. I hate them more than Nazis. More than GWB. With their Pabst and their leg warmers and their love of mustaches. Bleh,

  3. It does not happen very often, perhaps once in a full moon, but, alas, a posting at BLA that is well-written and composed with care and craft and wit intact. Nice job.

  4. Signs that you are getting old and need to move out of the way?

    1. Anything about “these kids today” comes out of your mouth.
    2. You don’t understand why anyone would dress, act, wear, listen to or grow…….. “fill in the blank.”

    I’m pretty sure that before the term “hipsters” was coined there were packs of twenty something kids who all dressed the same, acted the same and thought they had invented cool. Mods, rockers, hippies, punks, grungies, skateboarders, surfers, fixie bike riders, new wavers, new romantics, goths, preppies & indie kids are just a few that come to mind.

  5. Thank you, thank you, thank you! For the overdue targeting of Hipsters.
    They’ve invaded my neighborhood, and one of their imbecilic quirks is
    to cross streets “organically”, meaning, red lights don’t apply to them.
    Here’s a few more critiques:
    -Hipster Dude Alert: Not every guy can pull off the unshaven look. Those scattered patches of fuzz won’t look good on any subculture.
    -The weather here does not warrant wearing clothes more suited for Seattle or Minnesota. Look around. And take off those stupid knit caps too, unless you’re hiding unwashed hair, which you likely are so forget what I just said.
    -Question for Hipsterettes: “Do you actually find this unkept look attractive in men? Do you draw the line anywhere? Is there a crappy look meter to be consulted to define what you’ll put up with? And why do put up
    with it?
    signed- Curious Satan

  6. Lucinda! I was struck by the cleverness and good writing on this post! Bravo! And Will, if you ever find that woman, please videotape your encounter. Seriously, it would be money.

  7. There are no such things as hipsters anymore. There is only, as you called it, a “hipster look,” which anyone can buy at Target.

    So I think you should modify this one to being between the cute little doggie-woggies and the “hipster look.” And who could vote against a dog anyway?

  8. At least hipsters OD or grow up. The sad thing is both they and small dogs breed. Re Silver Lake and Echo Park: Out with the baby-daddies, bring back the leather daddies.

  9. I find hipster-haters are very likely to be hipsters themselves. Hipster-hate is not ‘overdue’, it is tired, boring, cliché. Also, my girlfriend has a chihuahua that I adore – this poll is impossible!

  10. As someone occasionally being accused of hipster-hood and a rabid dog-lover (it’s bad–I’m “that girl” who sends Cute Overload links around the office), I myself found this poll difficult. :)

  11. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! For the overdue targeting of Hipsters.”

    overdue?

    welcome to the internet, satan.

  12. Thank you, thank you, thank you–

    not for hating on the hipster look, but for pointing out the connection between money/class status and the hipster look. No one else seems to pick up on this when talking about hipsters, but it’s the one thing I always think about. I can’t help but notice that the hipster lifestyle is a lifestyle of leisure – I see them around with their friends at all hours (except maybe the morning) and every day. I always wonder whether they hold down jobs. The worst thing is that being a hipster is actually really costly – expensive coffee shops, expensive veggie restaurants, expensive clothing, expensive sunglasses, and expensive hair products. Once you add in rent for a place near other hipsters, … well, it’s way more costly than anything I could afford.

    So thank you again for bringing the class issue of these faux-starving artists to light.

  13. hipsters have very little to do with age or generation. it is not a “these kids today” anything. i say it, and i’m a “this kid today”

    old hipsters are worse since you expect aging hippies to know better.

  14. In spite of being told I have a “hipster ‘do” recently, this is one of the easier polls posted so far. As it’s been said above, those dogs can’t help their size or their dumbass owners.

  15. No Dave, the hipsters are the ones splitting the banana usual order at Mildreds with matching “Love will tear us apart tattoos on their forearms.” The rat-dogs who live in oversized Coach bags are mostly owned by the hipsters’ moms and sisters who shop on Montana Ave. It’s really hard to know who to hate more but I think Im going to have to go with the teacup dogs. At least hipsters don’t poop on the sidewalk.

  16. A real hipster will never admit to being a hipster, they hate themselves. It’s really sad. I think that’s what makes them new and different from other subcultures like punks, mods, rockers/greasers ’cause they were always proud of their scene. Hipsters also have the level of detachment, like they can’t be truly passionate about things. Life has to be enjoyed in a kitschy ironic way. You can’t dance for real, it has to reference something else and performed with a lack of sincerity.
    Well, that’s my opinion based on years of watching the hipster lifestyle develop.
    Here’s a fun video:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAO4EVMlpwM
    “Hobos are the new unicorns”

  17. This was the best poll ever. Best written. I didn’t even know I was supposed to be a hater, but, you made me one in three minutes.

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