64 Worst: Scientology vs. Pinkberry

In LA we can make a religion out of anything. This is why people in other, more sensible parts of the world mock us (well that and the pot vending machines).

Let’s take Scientology: Never mind the creepy greed and cultlike actions of the LRon-ites, these people believe aliens live in their elbows and we are all descended from giant clams. Sadly, while one might expect that someone claiming that their head cold is a byproduct of body-colonization by space aliens might be directed toward some sort of psychotherapy or at the very least antipsychotic medication, in this town they are given lead roles in blockbusters and rockstar parking spaces.

In the other corner, we have Pinkberry, perhaps even greater evidence that Angelenos can turn anything into a creed. Scientology promises enlightenment, even perfection, Pinkberry on the other hand promises frozen yogurt. Five dollah frozen yogurt. Frozen yogurt that people speak with a reverence and fervor usually reserved for gurus and soccer matches. And like a holy spot where the Virgin Mary was sighted, Pinkberry pilgrimages clot the neighborhood. Hellishly snarled traffic and sidewalks clogged with crowds of cell-yapping Britneys whose every too-loud sentence ends in a rising intonation.

It’s a hard call folks. All I know is if PT Barnum were alive today, he’d be living in LA.

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10 Replies to “64 Worst: Scientology vs. Pinkberry”

  1. No kidding its a hard call. Pinkberry we can walk away from (I can proudly say I have never been in one). Enough do that and they will fold and another starbucks/jamba juice whatever chain thingy will show up.

    Scientology. I ignore them and they keep getting bigger. Are there really that many brainless souls in LA?

    In the end I’ll go with Scientology as they are just another opiate for the masses.

  2. There are too many Pinkberry storefronts and it is overhyped, but I have to go with Scientology hands down. Sure, both can drain your wallet, but I feel like the intent behind one is far more evil.

  3. I gotta say that right now, I’m seeing Scientology as the clear winner of the competition, handily defeating anything that you put up in front of it.

  4. This isn’t a hard call at all. Pinkberry may be trendy and silly, but it tastes good and has pretty awesome design in each store.

    Scientology kills people.

    Once more, with feeling: Scientology fucking kills people.

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