The Britney Spears Obituary

US magazine reports that the Associated Press has already written the obituary for Britney Spears. You know, just in case she winds up dead in a gutter anytime soon.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, considering the fact that Britney is probably ranked #1 in celebrity death pools everywhere. But, it does have to feel a little odd knowing that your death is expected to arrive sooner rather than later. Makes me wonder how many people are wandering around Los Angeles right now for whom the AP has already scripted an early exit, stage left.

Two things to think about and comment:

1. How will Britney die?

2. Who is next in line?

Remember, kids…

Death is no laughing matter. That’s what life is for.

Photo of Young Sinead from justicenotblind

6 thoughts on “The Britney Spears Obituary”

  1. How Britney will die:

    Fried like a squirrel in President Huckabee’s giant popcorn popper of Jesusness.

  2. You know I’m not into Brittany Spears. I don’t care about her one way or another (as a human I do, but not as an entertainer,) but I think an obit about her is tasteless.

    I think the whole coverage of her is tasteless. Of course she asked for it, but did she really ask for what’s going on right now?

    To me it seems like it’s open season on women in the media. Pictures of people with behinds bigger than a two with captions of, “look how fat she is.”

    I would almost liken this to figurative virtual world rape. Even how it’s defended when you tell people they’ve gone to far, “well she asked for it, she should have worn underwear.”

    Why don’t they go through George Bush’s trash? Why don’t they follow Donald Trump? There are people way more powerful than Brittany and Paris, people who destroy people’s lives on a mass scale. Why don’t they get harrassed?

    I think these gossip rags whether they are online or in print or anti-women and yeah I know US magazine is edited by woman, but that doesn’t mean it still can’t be anti-woman.

    This silliness needs to stop, because it seems to be moving into the lives of non-actress type women. The cyber stalking and threatening, at first I guess it was kind of funny, but this is not funny anymore and it’s cruel for no reason.

    Why can’t we go through the trash of the person who owned Countrywide Home Loans and destroyed people’s lives. That person deserves our contempt more than a 25 year old singer in the midst of a nervous breakdown.

    I have to say I’m pretty shocked that AP would be so smug about the whole matter. I guess their justification is they are trying to help, yeah whatever…


  3. Well Browne all good points. The last big figure I saw the press go after is what’s-his-toes at Enron. Unfortunately as you point out the big news that get readers is the celebratards and tarts out there.

    I’m with you that the way they stalk and harrass those people is just wrong, but they know they can make a but satisfying peoples prurient interests about them. For them its about making money at the expense of all else.

    What so many forget is that the news business is a business and where they can have “canned” stuff ready and just fill in the blanks later they do so when the person dies. Obits as a prime example of something canned, all the important they have done is outlined in the bio and the bits about when/where and how filled in when it happens. Nothing wrong with the basic idea as it helps them get the basic story out faster.

  4. PS..I won’t comment on her when/where as it is obvious she has gone over the edge and needs help. At first her antics were just that, now it is obvious she needs to be left alone to fix herself if she wants to be fixed.

  5. I’m surprised an obit had not been prepared for her earlier, not because of her actions, but merely because of her fame. As the US article even mentions, the AP has a host of obituaries at the ready with continual revisions and additions.

    Oh… and Britney will die at the hands of Professor Plum… in the Conservatory… with the candlestick. Mr. Body is next.

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