Dear Top 10 List Maker,
Stop. Please, just stop.
You are fanning the flames of lunacy with the notion that more than just you and your cube-mates read your little blog. Save your precious internet time for more fruitful projects, like updating your Facebook.
Should you choose to write a top 10 list to recap 2007, here is a list of things to avoid. Think of it as The Top 10 Most Annoying Things About Top 10 Lists:
- Music: I don’t care what your favorite band’s top 10 records of the year were. Chances are, I haven’t heard of / care about your favorite band. Chances are, they suck anyway.
- Fashion: Who are you to judge the worst dressed celebrities of the past year? Have you seen what you’re wearing today? It ain’t pretty.
- Travel: Top vacation spots. What the hell is a vacation, and what do you mean there’s more than desert on the outskirts of L.A.?
- Sports: Biggest upsets. If one team is always favored to win, then isn’t there always a 50% chance of an upset? Stop bothering us with your in-depth post-game analysis and bandwagon rhetoric.
- Movies: Some suck. Others do not. You and I will always disagree on which is which. So stop trying to convince me to watch The Notebook.
- Real Estate: Thanks for sharing which housing markets are crapping out. My job is in Los Angeles, so I can’t afford one anyway.
- Politics: I don’t care about this year’s top Bushisms. I already know the President is dumb.
- TV: Your top television moment might be the end of The Sopranos. Mine is the Danny Bonaduce and Jonny Fairplay Brawl at the Really Awards. Can’t make that stuff up.
- Tech: Top 10 gadgets. A list of iThings that no one needs, yet we’ll spend millions on the latest versions. I’m saving up for iCandy, the world’s first fully digestible digital music smart phone that both makes calls and attracts the ladies.
- Oprah: My favorite things. OH MY GODDDDDDD!!!! Shut up.