The First Cup Is On Me! This post uses the eff word a few times.

I was planning on posting multiple times this week, but benefit dinners, impending article deadlines and the release of The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass have kept me from my blogging duties.

Which brings me to my point. As part of an attempt to escape the easy distractions of my apartment, I’ve spent more than a few hours in various coffee shops around Hollywood. In my travels I’ve observed a sickness eating away at the very heart of these establishments; a cancer, if you will, metastasizing at geometric rates (I’m looking at you Psychobabble).

I’ve come up with a name for it, Cellularphonus Cantshutthefuckupitis. Symptoms may include being unable to put your mobile phone down and speaking at elevated levels in close proximity to people who need to get work done and couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the latest developments with your screenplay pitch.

This is a serious disease, folks. Forget your TBs, STDs and HIVs – at least those are private battles. I just want to drink my raspberry tea latte, crank my Kidd Video soundtrack (into my headphones) and write in peace. Is that too hard to ask? I don’t make my personal business your business. Your script probably sucks anyway.

Image by Talll Guy. Used under Creative Commons.

8 thoughts on “The First Cup Is On Me”

  1. Damn…you are only now noticing this? It’s been a peeve of mine too.

    I want to have a portable jamming device that I can slip in my pocket that disables cell phones within a 50 foot radius. Yes I know it is illegal, but we have some smart folks out there that I bet can do it, do it cheap and voila…catch me if you can.

  2. Talking on the phone: A minor offense
    Talking on the phone with an elevated voice, as if this cafe were your place of business: Oops, did I spill my hot coffee all over your laptop? Sorry!

  3. btw…I have a great REALLY offensive clip art bit for those female offenders that will initiate WWIII, just ask.

  4. Could not agree more. Have our manners gone into cell towers for the next decade? When I am in a public place the last thing I want to hear is your side of your life, e.g., “like so then I said…” or “let’s offer them $50K and see what they say”. Please take it to a private place. No one else is interested and many are annoyed.

  5. Psychobabble.

    I have never understood that place. I’m normally a pro indy coffee place, but in the case of Psychobabble, I’d rather people watch at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Hillhurst.

    Wasting time in Albertson’s parking lot is shockingly fascinating. Who would think that in Los Feliz there are so many work at home people? It’s always packed, 10am on a weekday…geez…

    Psychobabble feels like Starbucks if it were founded by people in Riverside. It is like the Inland Empire of coffee shops, meaning all of the bad things of the urban and suburban. Bad ice blendeds, no foreign films, but yet you still have crime and meth…what the hell…

    Not that there is meth at Psychobabble or that the Coffee Table has art films, but I don’t know. It’s very IE.


  6. If people talk at a conversational volume, I don’t care if they are talking on a phone or to a person. It’s the volume that makes a difference, not the object people talk to.

  7. Psychobabble -The Onyx Cafe it is not. But I do give them credit for being the first place around to offer free dsl (before the wifi days…)

    As far as cell jammers, it was the best frivolous $250 gadget I ever bought. Great for cafes and public transit. Endless hours of turning my bemusement into amusement at the “Cellularphonus Cantshutthefuckupitis” when they realize after talking for a while, that the person on the other end isn’t there anymore, and for some strange reason the signal bars on their phone have disappeared.

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