Creepiness at Whole Foods

kids%20cart%20at%20whole%20foods.jpg“[Insert hip child’s name here: choose one: Madison / Zoe / Sam / Ethan / Emma / Noah / Austin], honey, come with [choose one: mommy / daddy] and get your little Customer In Training cart! That’s right, sweetie! Ok, [Madison / Zoe / Sam / Ethan / Emma / Noah / Austin], go pick out the [Border Girls hummous / Soy Dream Ice Cream / Koala Bear Free Range Gluten Free vegan organic breakfast cereal] that you like, and then come with [mommy / daddy] to the checkout, ok? Then we’ll take these $526 worth of groceries out to our [Escalade / Yukon / Cayenne] that [mommy / daddy] parked diagonally in two parking spots in front of Whole Foods. Would you do that for [mommy / daddy], [Madison / Zoe / Sam / Ethan / Emma / Noah / Austin]? Yes? What a good little Customer In Training you are! I’m so glad we’re learning to be responsible, sustainable, eco-conscious citizens here at Whole Foods!”

Feh.

(sorry for crappy cam-phone pic of the wee signage attached to the mini shopping cart at Whole Foods last night.)

13 Replies to “Creepiness at Whole Foods”

  1. ok it’s a little consumerist, but it’s a small price to pay to keep the kid from running wild screaming all over the store. give the kid a cart, let them “shop” – parents are happy, i’m happy, store is happy. its win/win/win.

  2. Lucinda: do you have a child who is of an age that he/she can run around? I’m guessing not. Those little carts are great for keeping kids focused enough to let parents get through a shopping trip. There’s nothing sinister about them.

  3. You parent-types have no sense of humor.

    I was a teacher for 13 years. I know how kids are. I love kids (that aren’t mine). I know these little carts are useful. But it’s still early in the morning for this gal who doesn’t have to get up at 6am to get her offspring off to school. Ha! Hahaha!!! Plus, I’m just a bitch.

    Basically, the terminology and the larger sociological implications just creep me out. But I can afford to worry about dumb meaningless esoteric crap like that, because I’m not busy doing things like cleaning up spilled Juicy Juice from the kitchen floor, or passing on love and healthy ethical systems to my offspring.

  4. Hey now, I’m 27, single and childless. I just would rather the kid not annoy the hell out of me while i’m shopping.

    Besides, they’re gonna grow up and buy stuff anyway.

  5. But it’s still early in the morning for this gal who doesn’t have to get up at 6am to get her offspring off to school. Ha! Hahaha!!! Plus, I’m just a bitch.

    Basically, the terminology and the larger sociological implications just creep me out. But I can afford to worry about dumb meaningless esoteric crap like that, because I’m not busy doing things like cleaning up spilled Juicy Juice from the kitchen floor, or passing on love and healthy ethical systems to my offspring.

    HAAAAAAAA!!!! *clap* *clap* *clap*……Nailed.It

  6. I got kids. It’s creepy.

    I must say though that without seeing the carts, the bonus is that they don’t take up as much space as those monstrosities that’re supposed to look like cars and the kids can sit in front and act like they’re driving. Those things are a menace. They take up the whole fucking aisle.

  7. I had to google ‘Koala Bear Free Range Gluten Free vegan organic breakfast cereal’ to see if it really existed.

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