Best. Voicemail. Menu. Ever.

So I dial a local adult emporium to make my reservation for my friend Polly‘s upcoming (adult) staged reading and am greeted by the cheery, professional, completely non-sexual voice of a woman listing my available options on the voicemail menu:

For accounts payable, press “6”…for store hours, press “blah blah”…

And then, without so much as a hint of a nudge or wink,

For leather, press ’15’;” “For toys, press ’18’.

Which immediately brings to mind two questions: what are items 16 & 17, and why are all other voicemail menus so lame?

Warning: please do NOT start dialing the Pleasure Chest to hear the menu–it only works if the lines are all full and as a responsible citizen and former retail worker, I don’t want some nice counter person losing her mind.

One Reply to “Best. Voicemail. Menu. Ever.”

  1. I’d like to think pressing 16 or 17 would perhaps get you to someone not unlike “The Gimp” in Pulp Fiction. I envision someone picks up the phone, places it next to his head and you just hear his mumbled gurgling, moaning and whimpering. Maybe it’s just heavy breathing.

    I could think about this all day…..

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